Letter to 'Little' Carolyn

A few years ago, my mentor & life coach asked me to write a letter to myself as a child. What would I say to 'her' after almost 50 yrs of experience. It was an interesting exercise that left me ignited with positivity. I'd recommend this very personal exercise to anyone. 

I'm being vulnerable and very open with sharing this, so please bear with me. Soon, Modern Widows Club online magazine will launch and we will welcome you sharing your stories & letters to your 'inner child'. 

Sincerely,

Carolyn Moor

MWC Founder/ Editor

Dear ‘Little’ Carolyn,                                                              July 2008

You are special. You are going to experience an abundant life and you are going to be strong and courageous.

Those dreams in your head are ‘seeds’ for your future- hold onto them until you see them come true! Don’t give up because you my dear have the determination like no other to actually see it through. YOUR ideas will bring others alive—they will see your enthusiasm and follow your lead. You have the ability to help others see their own dreams.

Be patient with yourself, be kinder to people- especially your family. You will learn a great deal about yourself from your family experiences and that knowledge will benefit you when you have your own family someday.

Life isn’t always going to seem like it makes sense- but, to God it does.

If you keep remembering that God is the father you look to for everything, you will no doubt be a grateful person for everything in your life. Humanely fathers are meant to protect, support you, but will fail you in some way.

Humans are not perfect, and that is why we have forgiveness. There will be lots of forgiveness.

Being humble is also a hard one- especially for you little miss independent! No one will teach you how to do this and your own nature will prevent you from seeing the value & necessity of this—but you will learn it as life goes on. Unfortunately, the hard way! All a part of God’s plan….so, again, have patience.

The good news is your suffering will end with you. And your children will benefit from all of your experiences and will definitely flourish in life. Rest assured.

You know innately how to make good choices for yourself- listen to that inner voice and trust that God will bring into your life everything you’ve ever imagined and hoped.

You will always be safe and protected, so be sure to be grateful for each day, each person and each breathe.

There is so much to do with a LIFE and so much for you to become. Be happy when you find it and during the process—especially the PROCESS…. because that’s a beautiful part that should not be overlooked.

Plant flowers, smile, share yourself, cry if you feel it, have those difficult talks, surprise yourself, do something strange, swim naked, lay in the grass, feel the sun on your face, pet a kitten and make it purr, watch a mommy bird bring worms to her chicks, eat fresh foods, smell the roses, jasmine & daffodils, surround yourself in orange, mentor a young girl, be open minded to knowledge, read God’s Words, listen when someone is talking to you, make others feel understood, admit when you are really wrong, take time to really care and act on that caring, share- share- share what God gives you, read, learn new words everyday, create a peaceful bedroom, know you are loved more than you could ever imagine, find something you love to do and get paid for it, tell others close to you about your fears and then let them go, journal, take your arms and wrap them around yourself (yes, give hugs to yourself daily), feel the peace within.

Love,

Carolyn Caple Moor (the ‘older’ Carolyn)

Always Wear Your Invisible Crown

Anyone who has found themselves at the crossroads in life knows it's a perspective shifting experience. An invisible portal into another world that is shaking things up for you whether you want it or not.

Somewhere along the line for me, I realized something interesting that I always share when I mentor other widows....that we are wearing invisible crowns handed to us from a divine place of honor that is very misunderstood in the beginning.

You see, I was a queen, but not in the sense that we usually think of a queen. I certainly was not being pampered or waited on hand and foot, but I was in charge of something vitally important and regal. And that is- this one life that God has blessed me with.

I reluctantly, yet finally, accepted my crown and have spent many years collecting jewels that I swear people can actually see now. Like any crown you've ever seen, it is comprised of two key ingredients: metal & jewels.

These two components have great symbolism if you think about it.

 Iron, as in 'iron sharpens iron', is symbolic for spiritual, unseen guides- spirits, saints, G-d, Jesus, angels,  fill in the blank _______ are quite literally around you at all times.... you are never alone. This guidance is omnipresent and literally holds us up in times when we need the borrowed strength. It is our court of majesty.

These spiritual guides are our very own 'divine net' which is meant to catch you if you fall, as opposed to, constrict you from moving along in this mission. Recognizing when we feel stuck in life, trapped in a scenario is the exact moment you need to visualize your 'net' differently. Are you stuck or free to fly? Which is it? You are the queen of your court...rule the land.

When you were born, you were uniquely encoded with the likeness of God in the image of man...some call this the soul essence and this essence gives you a direct lineage for the inborn knowingness to unlock your own spiritual potential to fly. In jumping off the springboard of life, you instinctively know there is a net to catch you, and when you do, you discover new jewels of wisdom, new heights of adventure and your own spiritual core. You find jewels like peace, joy and love.

Just as jewels (real precious stones) develop under pressure, so will your ownership of certain jewels that will be placed upon your invisible crown. Large and small, the design will be created.

That saying 'she has light in her eyes' very much applies here. As a modern widow, being aware of the light giving quality in your eyes is very important to get back again. Look into a persons eyes (mine happen to be green) and tell me, can you see their soul?

You are the queen, the princess of your own domain. You are on a royal mission possible, damn it. Quite simply, as a widow, you have been chosen for this jewel scavenger hunt. I'm afraid it didn't just happen randomly, you were 'blessed and honored with this crown'....there was a divineness, a knowing that you would heed the call and God knew you would claim it someday...is today that day?

Unfortunately, when you don't claim it and instead refuse to stand up, answer, bravely walk into the unknown of your own life--your light will become a mere flicker....you become dim, shadow, you grow dark, which usually exhibits itself outwardly as depression, fear, resistance, uncertainty, hesitation, indecision, saying 'no' when you 'know' you should say yes. In this state, you are running backwards away from your fate instead of stepping forwards towards your royal destiny.

Stepping forwards may mean getting out of bed, driving yourself to a friend who listens, picking up the phone to sign up for that class you've always wanted to take. It's doing anything other than sitting still with your thoughts. Move it or loose it.....after all, you've got jewels to excavate and a beautiful design in process.

I'm inviting you to own your invisible crown today. Upon falling asleep this evening, just quietly say to yourself 'Where am I needed as I wear this invisible crown?' The subconscious will respond mysteriously.... abundantly... surprisingly, you are on your way to finding experiences that are nothing short of fullness, beauty, gratitude and life. The shining of your prisms are needed in this world, it matters tremendously how you choose to wear this crown.

Shining in Gratitude,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Our online magazine is under construction- to be launched soon....we promise. 

31 Tips for Extraordinary Widows

1- Start a gratitude journal and use daily

2-Exercise daily and drink a lot of water

3-Practice unselfish kindness

4-Expect the best, prepare for the worst

5- Write an affirmation on your mirror in lipstick

6-Say daily 'Abundance flows into my life in surprising and miraculous ways on a daily basis'

7-Plan your day

8-Always wear your invisible crown

9- Feel like a woman, not a widow

10-Wear your invisible crown

11-Get a mentor

12-Choose one day to not talk about your late husband

13-Have 5 close friends and see them often

14-Turn off the TV, walk outside and touch something in nature

15-Know your 5 top strengths (Strength Finders 2.0 by Tom Rath), then use them

16-Fall in love with simple pleasures

17-Travel more

18-Honor your loved ones

19-Make your life matter starting today

20-Focus on the ways you plan on leaving a legacy (write your obituary)

21-Never miss a moment to celebrate

22-Trust in the unknown

23-Give forgiveness often

24-Create memory boxes for every family member

25-Record a video for your children sharing your very detailed love story (have a tissue box near by)

26- Learn how to save, spend and donate your money

27-Be a heroine to another widow

28-Be authentic

29-Be honest about what really makes you happy and just do it

30- Write a hand written letter to someone you love explaining why

31- Watch the movie 'Avatar' and notice how strong tribe mothers are portrayed in cinema

What could have been.

As I sit here and write this post, I wonder where you are at this moment. I wonder how many months, or years it has been since you lost someone you love. In particularly this week, the death anniversary of my late husband, I find myself remembering all the things that 'could have been'. 

Father daughter dances. Graduation. Talks about boys. Walking down the aisle. Holding a grandchild for the first time. 

Many thoughts so painfully real that it leaves me unable to breathe. 

This Valentine's Day was my 12th year being a widow. I allow myself to fully feel the loss on this day- to remember what could have been. It hurts. Badly. There's so much I wanted but I will never have. 

After the tears, the photo box overload, the isolation, the writing letters and the intrepid trip down memory lane, I can bravely say I have come to a new place called 'what could be'. 

What could be is at the very essence of where Modern Widows Club was born. To me, I was a widow second and a woman first. I needed to get back to being a woman again. So, I decided to see if there were any other women like me, who thought like this. And you know what? I found them. You are probably one of them, maybe you know one. 

Let me share some of the 'what could be' thoughts I discovered at our MWC: Social Hour last night around the fire.

~It's ok to say 'I'm happy' and not feel guilty. It's ok to change your mind tomorrow. 

~MWC is a destination along your journey.

~Your sisters at MWC are fanning your inner flame that will become a glowing fire.

~We are unassuming heroines with blessed wounds that have shaped our character.

~When it feels like nothing is happening, something actually is happening, you just don't know it yet. 

~With dating again, the options are unlimited. Becoming at peace with the fact you may or may not have another partner in life just may save you from making a serious mistake. What is important to remember is you loved in this life and be thankful it happened to you.

~Plant a lot of seeds in your life. Some will grow fast, some won't.

~You are first, a woman, second, a widow. Become it. 

~At MWC, we show each other our authentic selves --even when we don't know who that is!

~Widows who focus on being a woman can be uplifting and inspiring to all women who fear widowhood in their future. We become the lighthouse of hope across all boundaries. 

~Sometimes bravely saying 'I'm grateful, but goodbye' to a situation that is not honoring to your life is the best solution. You're going to need a higher power and friends to reach out and make it through. 

The women of Modern Widows Club are wise, brave, relevant and vital to society. They are fragile and yet strong. They are different and it's a good thing. Men want to date them, but they don't even know it. Women look up to them, and they shy away from it. People whisper about widows, and now, we have something to whisper about! 

Become 'what could be'..... 

Breathe again. 

Hope again. 

Peace again. 

Happy again. 

Thrive again. 

Friend again. 

Grateful again.

Yes, we are different, we wear invisible crowns, thank goodness. 

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club- 

Talk to us on Facebook today! 

A Modern Widow. Does she look like you thought? 

Just Because....

This morning, driving my daughter to school my thoughts were on my awesome 'last night'.

About 5 yrs ago, I decided to start a women's group comprised of my closest 30 real friends who basically held me up when I couldn't go on after suddenly becoming a widow and single mom.

You know, its those friends who watch your kids, hire you, encourage you, hold you when you cry, mentor you, give it to you straight and can make you upset sometimes. But one thing is for sure, they add to your cup that flow-ith over!! I had a cup that was spilling over with gratitude and needed a way to 'give back'.

So, I created a group called C-LOVE (Carolyn Love), but we all just call it clove for short. We have speakers share, I share, they share and we all grow in phenomenal ways. The topics are as heartwarming as heartwrenching sometimes. I'm so honored to be in a room full of authentic women who parent, work, struggle, love, care, give and change the world with every thought. They engage me and lift me up. I've become the best woman I can with their constant support. Our logo says it all: Conscious, Luminous, Open hearted, Vital and Empowered.

Last night, I just stood in awe of them and found myself sharing a story about what I do for Valentine's Day and encouraged them to go and 'do something, just because'.

In my old neighborhood, stood a historic, beautiful home with an overgrown yard where a woman lived in seclusion. I could see that a car would leave and return, and since her driveway was on a busy street, rarely was there an opportunity to catch a glimpse of her. I would ask my neighbors if anyone had ever met the woman and received a 'no' every time-- few even knew her name but everyone knew she was widowed.

I wondered about the woman: her name, her story. So, I decided to do something 'just because'.

On Valentine's Day, the death anniversary of my late husband, we (my family) go into the world and do something to commemorate his 'spirit' and 'love' that was given to us. So, on that Valentine's Day, I went to the store and bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers and proceeded down the sidewalk to the 'mystery neighbors' house. I braved crossing the busy street and because her front yard was so overgrown, I went to the back door near her car.

I knocked and stood looking at the beautiful house designed by James Gamble Rogers II, a famous architect in Winter Park, FL. Then I heard footsteps and a door opened. I peered thru the locked screen door to a tall woman with gray hair and beautiful face. She smiled and said hello.

I smiled and said 'Hi, my name is Carolyn and I'm one of your neighbors. We've never met, but I heard you were a widow too. I'm also a widow and I just wanted you to know that I think of you'. You could see her soften and reach down to unlock the screen door, as it opened I saw the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. The face of surprise, shock was evident. I lifted my arm and extended the flowers out saying 'You are not alone. Happy Valentine's Day just because'.

Well, that's when an instant friendship was formed. She invited me in and gave me a tour of her beautiful house. She only lived in one small portion of it, it needs repair. There is no water in the swimming pool and the air was pungent with a slight mildew scent. It was a haven for her, a place where she lived with her late husband. She had a son, and he came over often. We swapped stories and then I told her how happy I was that I finally came over. I wondered why it took me so long.

We said goodbye.

The years have gone by, I went back to raising my children and watching her car in the driveway. I moved from that neighborhood and rarely get over there, but I have to say, this moment is one of the most memorable from living there for 10 yrs. Sometimes 'just because' leads you to the 'heaven' that is all around you if you are willing to go and do for others on a day when you feel like you 'need' the love. It's quite the opposite, when you give what you need, you get back 10 fold-- that's just how God works it.

I plan on taking flowers over to Joann this year, its been way too long!

With love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder/ Modern Widows Club

Roller Coasters and Valentine's Day

What do roller coasters and loosing your husband have to do with each other? Well, for starters its what I do every Valentines Day. WHY?

Because its the anniversary of Chad's death,  and on that day, I do things in his honor to remind me of the life he lived and shared with me...the life that still exists in this life of mine. I do things that honor that contagious laugh, that love for beer and roller coasters. I LIVE because I can. Roller coasters and being a kid for a day is how life was with him and I take one really special day for me to remember this.

Recently, Cindy Nelson, Seattle's MWC Chapter Leader told me of her plan for Valentine's Day- to gift widows and single moms at her church with gift certificates for oil changes. WHY? Because her husband was a mechanic and generously would give back in this way during his life. He was known for his generosity. So, to honor Mike, she continues this and it brings her happiness to be connected to such life. 

What is it your spouse did in this world that was wonderful and is remembered for? When we share and continue these life giving characteristics, they pleasantly bring us life in the process. 

At Modern Widows Club, giving back, connecting to the life around us is a big part of our message. It's what takes you from surviving to thriving. Something as small as taking flowers to another elderly widow in your neighborhood who you might not think you have anything in common, can strengthen a heart like nothing else....in both directions. Life is hard, really hard. When we do our part to make it easier for another, it eases our life in return. 

We would love for you to share what you do to honor your late husband, every effort counts and you never know who is reading this blog and how it will touch them. Share your big love with us and pick up another jewel for your invisible crown. 

From my heart,

Carolyn Moor

Founder/ Modern Widows Club

P.S. If you'd like to meet other women like you. Come to MWC: Social Hour on Feb. 16, 2012. EVERY 3rd Thursday. It's FREE. Sign in below. 

Seattle

Orlando

or our Workshops on Feb. 11 and 18 (Orlando)

or Weekly Small Group- Thursdays (Orlando) 

Want a MWC chapter in your town? Send inquiries to: carolyn@modernwidowsclub.com

You were born for something great!

'I was born for something great, even when something not so great has happened. I've learned that last part has taken me to the 'great' I never knew existed.' (2006 Old Journal Entry, Backstage at the Oprah Show)

Today, marks the two week journey that I will share looking into my 'trail of tears', the 2 wks leading up to Feb. 14th, Chad's death anniversary. We all experience a shift in our inner selves when we know this is coming. On a cellular level, I know, I cannot resist this coming on or how it will manifest itself, but I've just learned a different way to handle the stress of feeling it.

First, I must resist the feeling of wanting to run away and instead run to those in life who are wanting to give me love in many different ways. I accept any and all love that comes my direction.

Every year, Chad, an architect, would handcraft me a unique, architectural stylized card. It was highly anticipated and I never knew when he would hand it to me....I just kept waiting for the masterpiece to be pulled out so I could see his artistry. Always using callilgraphy to create a touching one or two liner that always left me feeling like the luckiest girl on earth.

So after he died, his dear friend Denny, picked up his architectural markers and continued his tradition of giving me cards with this flavor. Here's what arrived in the mail yesterday. 

The moral of this story is, love continues to live on in bittersweet ways. It's Gods way of allowing us to see the BIG world of love available to us if we allow ourselves to see it. Today, I will and I say 'bring on the rainfall'. Sometimes we have to borrow the love of others, to 
find our own in this life.


With sisterly love, 
Carolyn Moor
Modern Widows Club


                                         ~Dedicated to Chad and all the love he shared with us.

NYC State of Mind

A few weeks ago, I took a trek from sunny Florida to the NE for the wedding of my dear friend Rabbi Shmuley. His first born daughter was getting married in a Hasidic event that was sure to open my eyes up to a whole new world...mission accomplished! The veiling and 7 blessings, all so beautifully executed, I witnessed a wedding of pure splendor, joy, love and meaning.

Walking into new experiences seems to be a theme that most widows adopt in this strange new world of flying solo. For me, after 11 yrs now, I've come to accept the walking into, attending and RSVPing as one person....occasionally, I admit that it's not what I want and there are times I must nudge myself to 'go despite the temptation for staying home', because I know, if I go, I will be living life (and surprise myself) and that's why I keep saying YES.

In a wedding as symbolic and ancient as this one, Rabbi Shmuley still took the time to come over and remind me how significant and symbolic it was that I 'showed up'. It was like a loud speaker to all those who know me that I am 'choosing life' and 'celebrating joy' like Rabbi taught me in 2006 on TLC 'Shalom in the Home'. He is so right. I celebrated and I took in all the life I could that night. Giant baby steps.

After that, I visited with a friend, Mary Robinson, who is the founder of Imagine: A Center for Coping with Loss in Westfield, NJ. She was a gracious hostess who gave me a home base. There is no doubt that there is more to this story for us because Mary is determined to start a Modern Widows Club chapter in her area to honor her own mother who was a widow! So stay tuned.

From this home base, I decided to drive into the city with my little rental Chevy HHR and visit MoMA: The Museum of Modern Art.

Now, in my thinking, it sounded as simple as me writing that last sentence. Drive into the city and go to MoMA. I wanted to see the scaled models of the World Trade Center submissions and architecture showing. It was my lucky day because the first Thursday of the month MoMA is open until 8:30...woohoo! What I didn't know is.... this is a very brave decision.....(after the fact, of course). Driving to and around NYC is not for the weak at heart. The point I'm clearly making here is --> sometimes we say Yes and don't know what we are getting ourselves into- but we do it anyway.

Off I go thru the Holland Tunnel....using my GPS on my iPhone, all was well. What I didn't realize is how once you are in NYC the chaos that comes at you so fast is mind boggling. You feel like a vehicle in a pin ball machine suddenly with this energy and force of nature thrust upon you from every direction. Horns honking, bright lights everywhere, people jetting out in front of you, bikes touching your mirrors....oh, and it's nighttime!! I didn't even have the time to stop and think about going back! You just stay in the flow.....

About half way up 6th Avenue, and about 50 times a taxi almost brushed my car metal to metal or me thinking I'm gonna kill a pedestrian, I started thinking that maybe, maybe, I should have bought that extra car insurance protection. Too late now! Onward I must go. I was both mad at myself and exhilarated by my own fearlessness. I could see that I wasn't too far away from MoMA but the traffic was...well,.....horrendous. I think I held my breathe for like 30 minutes, but obviously lived to tell this story!

And worse, I forgot my car charger and my battery was getting low on my phone! 

Onward. 

After 2 hrs of driving, I made it to MoMA. I even found a parking garage across the street, with a vehicle elevator! Yes, I drive my car onto a deck and they take it down...somewhere?! For those of you who know this exists, bare with me, I was mesmerized by this whole experience.  Like a child seeing something new for the first time. The attendant was friendly, we chatted about where I was from (obviously not NYC) and said he'd take great care, then pointing me in the direction of MoMA!

I walked into MoMA with a well deserved smile, bought my tix, had another great convo with a docent and headed to the architectural exhibits up the escalator. Music and wine were flowing in the lobby, multi-lingual conversations all around me, it was obviously date night, open spaces abound and lots of 'living' going on here. 

 I loved every minute. Time stood still.  

Then reality set in. My phone died. I was in NYC without my link to the outside world. I was truly on my own...only one person knew I was there and I didn't know her number from memory. Surprisingly, I didn't panic. I controlled my breathing and had faith that G-D was with me and was always my shelter, no matter what situation I put myself in. It would be alright, go with the flow. I began to strategize about what I did have. I had me. I had a car across the street. I had money. I had a brain. I had nerve. I had until 8:30 before the museum closed. 

I took my time and enjoyed every last minute in the museum until I had to leave...walking across the street to the garage, I asked the attendant where the closest Apple Store was (5 blocks away). I remembered that I had borrowed a wall charger from my friend and asked if I could search to see if it was in my car (downstairs). He obliged and sure enough it was there! Halleluyah. He said I could plug it in and get some charge while enjoying the city. So I plugged it in, resisted the unnerving realization that this stranger now had my car and my phone (my lifelines) in his hands. All I could do was trust a stranger and find something to do alone in the most amazing city in the world!! Haha

So I did. 

I found a grocery store and bought some food- I was hungry after this excursion! I stumbled upon this famous LOVE sculpture by Robert Indiana from 1964. I sat there on the edge alone, but not feeling lonely and ate my dinner while watching New Yorkers pass by. I was observing life from a unique place, a peaceful place that I created for myself. Obstacles will always find their way to me, but what I decide next defines who I am everytime. This is a relationship with myself and my G-d and it is very alive.

Before leaving, I looked back at this sculpture. I made a promise to myself that the next time I come to NYC and sit here, I'd like to be with someone I loved and loved me back. It's a great intention. But today, I was loving me and I was going to live. 

If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere....as the famous NYC saying goes. 

That's living moor alive, 

Carolyn

p.s. I bought eclairs for the garage attendant, he charged my phone up, took great care of my rental, I paid the $47 fee (ouch). I almost made it to my friends house in NJ without my phone dying again.....a few missed exits later and a half way good memory, I made it home....amazingly.  To G-d be the Glory!

Next time, I'm taking the train.

MWC Social Hour, first ever!

MWC wishes to extend a casual, social invitation to you for our first ever MWC: Social Hour. October 20th, Credo Coffee House, 5-6:30pm, 700 W Smith Street, Orlando, FL 32804. We have a little gift for you.


Credo is a non-profit that runs a coffee shop in the College Park neighborhood. The interior is lovely, the employees are friendly, the coffee is great and the neat-o ‘donations only’ payment system is catching on.



Meet, connect and uplift other modern widows in Central FL (Orlando) area in a relaxed environment. No need to RSVP, just come between 5p- 6:30pm. Carolyn Moor will be present, may read an excerpt from her book but mostly we just want you to know ‘we care about you’. 


  

Where to turn?

I love inspirational videos of others who have triumphed when everyone thought they would fail. I’m sort of a junkie over these kind of videos….they give me goosebumps, raise my dopamine levels and leave me feeling like ‘I can’.
But I have a little confession to make, I can be a little bit judgemental sometimes when I size the person up. I hear the story, I see the beautiful person and then I wonder….are they loved, are they supported by family or possibly a spouse? Is life just easier, prettier, richer and perfect again?
What do you do if you are the only person you have to get thru this obstacle in life? (which usually isn’t true except in your mind). What happens when tragedy hits and everyone goes home and leaves you alone?

It’s a worthy question to ask and attempt to answer, because it happens to many, many people. They are the fringe in our society, without a voice usually (or a safety net) reading this from a computer screen in the quiet of their minds, offices and homes. Isolated. Left wondering who is with them. How did their life take this turn? When darkness comes, who cares? Who really really ‘gives a damn’?
The answer is YOU.
You are the person you have been waiting for to come along and save yourself. Now, depending on your religious or belief system, of course, we know that God or the universe will be there to catch your fall. But both of them actually use ‘people’ to move mountains here on earth….and I’m afraid, that means YOU. Not the lady sitting over there. Not the guy who just walked by. Not the person behind the counter. Not that crazy driver pulling up beside you….YOU!
What’s important is to create a life inventory of your surroundings.
1) What do you have that can be of use?
2) What do you not have, but need?
3) Who can help you get what you need that you don’t have?
4) What are you willing to give up in order to get what you need? (make some space)
5) How badly do you really want it?

Hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness do not have to exist in your life. You weren’t created to stay down. Sure – you, like everyone has days where we feel these, but it’s YOU and choice that moves you out of it and into hopeful, helpful and worthy mindsets. If I had a way, I’d sit with each of you and we’d swap stories and details of what has happened and what we wished was different.
Or we can pretend we had that conversation and both sail into the future with new perspectives under our wings and realize, you will find your way, you were created for all things possible and your answers will come if you let them. Let them. You probably won’t understand them even when they do come and you certainly won’t want to act on them, but that’s alright. Do you think every person who you’ve seen in an inspirational video ever knew how it would end? No. That’s only in the movies people.
Become the you, you’ve been waiting for and I promise, you will always know where to turn.
What are you waiting for?
Carolyn       (Where to find me: I’m here for you.)

Doubt, doubt...go away!

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/37274334/CAROLYN_092511.m4v 
When grief takes a hold of you, doubt usually likes to dance along with it. There is nothing like having to face the death of someone you love to shake everything you believe in….for some, it makes belief stronger, but for others, they can reject everything they believed in. Nothing makes sense .
I used to say I felt like an alien in my life. It’s as if I woke up in a different world in which my old self was living within. Have you ever thought this?
I’m here to say, its not just you. Your heart is broken, but there is hope. Your mind is still in tact. Yes, it is….you are thinking right now, processing this paragraph as you read it. What I love about you is this, you are seeking answers, pieces of your puzzle are coming. This is very good and proves that light inside of you is flickering.

You may feel alone in the silence you find yourself in at times, but I promise you, you are not alone….at all. Life is waiting to connect to you in so many ways that you must consciously choose it. I know answering a friends phone call, opening the door when a friend knocks, returning an email leaves you sitting frozen with thoughts that ‘no one understands’. But we do here at Modern Widows Club.
Doubt will come when you least expect it, it seeps into that little voice in your head when you are resting or taking a break from the pain. When I was in EMDR therapy (eye movement desensitization reprocessing), I was required to visualize a ‘safe spot’ in my mind. Whenever, life got too hard, my emotions became too overwhelming…I would touch my wrist and that was my sign to ‘go to the safe spot’. I still use it today in the real world…..in my car, walking on the bike path, in a mall shopping….whenever I feel pain rising up and a mini breakdown about to erupt.

My safe spot is the memory of daffodil fields and blackberry bushes along a dirt road, with the sound of a nearby stream of water and the smell of hundreds of yellow narcissus and the sunshine filtering through the clouds. It’s a memory from my childhood when I knew no fear. When I felt a natural divine connection, my relationship with God was easy. I didn’t want answers to complex questions of ‘why’….I just accepted what came next in my life and lived in the moment. 
At the very top of this post, I’ve added a link to a video that is my special gift to you. It is a recent interview taken of me 11 yrs after I suffered grief at its worst. I was hopeless back then…..but I’m not anymore. I’ve created a life that I’m honored to live each day and now share with you.
Today, I encourage you to find what that looks like for you. Use your brain power, respect your heart, find a safe spot and grow each day. You are loved tremendously. 
Many blessings to you, Carolyn Moor

 P.S. In my workshops, I teach how to use simple sticky notes to find hope and answers in your grieving process. It is my honor to share this divine knowledge bestowed to me in a most surprising way. I’d love to meet you, relieve any of your pain and see a smile upon your face. You are not alone in this.