A heart for Valentine's Day

In love we talk a lot about hearts. 

~Hearts that beat fast

~Hearts that skip a beat

~Hearts that break

~Hearts that wait

If you were anything like me, you felt the heart beating inside the chest of the man you loved more than once in your relationship. My favorite thing to do was to snuggle in close and be surprised when you could hear the heart raising faster, all because you two were near each other. (Sigh)

We all know that saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' But we also know, permanent absence is not what they are talking about. Absence of a heartbeat means only one thing and we have experienced this crushing reality. It caused us to face how fragile hearts really are and brought our attention to caring for them.

In Holistic Healing, the heart chakra is vital to healing hurtful emotional life situations- grief, divorce, abandonment, abuse, adultery, rejection. Anything that connects us to love lost. Our hearts are wounded and we are like 'wounded children'. Like a child, they love unconditionally, they don't think about it, they sense it is what is good and give of it. 

I believe children do bring us back into emotional empowerment and allows us to trust and believe in the love that emanates from the center of our life force. Some heart strings will get cut too soon in life but we are the owners of thousands of strings that still exist and they become lifelines for us. 

When I found out that my husband's death certificate would say Feb. 14, 2000 on it, it was almost too much to bear thinking about living that out in the future. How could God allow this permanent reminder, it felt so cruel. After all, no one had loved a man greater than I did and more devastated than loosing that man on the most 'loving' holiday in this country. But He had a plan that I was unaware of, nor cared to know at the moment. 

Instead, I was being handed a piece of paper to check off boxes which listed organs in his body to donate. The very first box was the heart. 

My own heart sank and from somewhere came the strength to keep going. Check-lungs, check-kidneys, check-liver, check- cornia, check, check and check.......until every box was filled. 

Sometimes we do out of love what we don't understand, there's a place in your soul that calls out for you to do the right thing and you step up. Always listen to that quiet voice that comes when you feel you have lost everything. I did this and unselfishly gave the only loving action I had left to give.....donating my husbands body. 

I'm taking a moment to catch my breathe.

Months later, I became curious about another story out in the world- the story of a person who received Chad's heart on Valentine's Day? I imagined what an amazing blessing that had to be getting the call 'Happy Valentine's Day'. So I asked to find out and Translife told me I was not allowed. I persisted and wanted to write an anonymous letter if they would deliver it. They did. Then, I received a letter back with no name. 

This went on for 2 years.

Then, we were allowed to leave the privacy of Translife and do what we wanted. Guess what happened next?

I met the man who received Chad's heart. But more importantly I met the wife who thought she was going to loose her husband and on Feb. 14, 2000 fell down in tears of gratitude at the news that her husband would live. Then, I met their two children (same age as mine 4 & 6) and they didn't know what was going on!!! Lol. Neither did my children when they met.....they just became kids and started to play together. A beautiful distraction to an emotional reunion. A reminder to choose life.

Words really can't describe this moment. The newspaper covered it, it is an amazing story. For me, it shows the all powerful need to LOVE BIG and use our hearts until it hurts. It was God clearly giving grace and showing me more of His plan. Hurting can lead to great healing and so I open my heart and risk the hurt that might come everyday. We are all capable of this. Will you love big today, until it hurts? Plant this new seed thought, then grow where you are planted. He's winking at you.

 That's what I wanted to share with you this morning from my humble home in Orlando.

Dedicated to the legacy that MWC children are leaving in this world,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Here's the REST OF THE STORY- Enjoy.

Click here for the: Orlando Sentinel Article 

Letters from the Heart

Early on in my life as a mother, I started innocently writing letters to my infant daughters. Sealing them in an envelope and placing them in their baby books.

I'm not sure what caused me to do this, except maybe in the few quiet moments I wanted to remember all the love I felt, all the love pouring and spilling out of me that I simply found a piece of paper and scribbled the first thought that came to mind.... sentiments from my heart.

It's funny how small actions can turn into the best ideas you've ever had and even better yet the most treasured possessions. To date, I now have approx. 25 sealed handwritten letters expressing my love to my daughters starting in circa: 1996 (I secretly wish I could open them).

Included in them is the first letter I wrote after their daddy passed away.

Mind you, I didn't realize when I started this that I'd be writing such a heart wrenching letter to them. I remember sitting down and starting several times, not wanting the words to be 'real'. Just to admit that he had died was too painful. There's something so wrong about having to write 'If daddy were here.....', I was left sobbing, pushing the paper away and walking out of the room. But, I kept coming back. They deserved to know how much he loved them, how much I loved them and this was one way to show them.

Today, my daughters do not know the letters exist (unless they read this blog). But I imagine someday the moment I hand them this treasured gift from my heart and I wonder what great love like this does for the self esteem of a child who has lost a parent.

All I can hope is, they will receive the love. That they will FEEL the life in them and know their own life is meant for something extraordinary because it was created from great love. I hope they give this love to others and I hope it becomes their legacy.

Think about what kind of legacy are you creating for your loved ones. As you know, its the only thing we get to leave behind that matters.

Sisterly Love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder/ Modern Widows Club

You were born for something great!

'I was born for something great, even when something not so great has happened. I've learned that last part has taken me to the 'great' I never knew existed.' (2006 Old Journal Entry, Backstage at the Oprah Show)

Today, marks the two week journey that I will share looking into my 'trail of tears', the 2 wks leading up to Feb. 14th, Chad's death anniversary. We all experience a shift in our inner selves when we know this is coming. On a cellular level, I know, I cannot resist this coming on or how it will manifest itself, but I've just learned a different way to handle the stress of feeling it.

First, I must resist the feeling of wanting to run away and instead run to those in life who are wanting to give me love in many different ways. I accept any and all love that comes my direction.

Every year, Chad, an architect, would handcraft me a unique, architectural stylized card. It was highly anticipated and I never knew when he would hand it to me....I just kept waiting for the masterpiece to be pulled out so I could see his artistry. Always using callilgraphy to create a touching one or two liner that always left me feeling like the luckiest girl on earth.

So after he died, his dear friend Denny, picked up his architectural markers and continued his tradition of giving me cards with this flavor. Here's what arrived in the mail yesterday. 

The moral of this story is, love continues to live on in bittersweet ways. It's Gods way of allowing us to see the BIG world of love available to us if we allow ourselves to see it. Today, I will and I say 'bring on the rainfall'. Sometimes we have to borrow the love of others, to 
find our own in this life.


With sisterly love, 
Carolyn Moor
Modern Widows Club


                                         ~Dedicated to Chad and all the love he shared with us.