What Death has Taught Me about Living

How can death teach about living when while I'm living all I do is completely avoid death. 

But it's true. 

Death has taught me everything about living and I'm sure its taught you a lot too!

I'm going to shock you here and even say 'I'm grateful for death'. Grateful that my broken open heart brought golden lessons with a silver lining.

Last week, I turned a half a century, that's right, the big 50! My days leading up to that point felt very introspective and I decided to share what I've joyfully & painstakingly learned in the last 13 yrs about how death has completely given me a new perspective on living!

My Living Lessons:

~ After death has visited your door, the world changes from dark, gray, muted tones. Slowly shades of color start to seep in without you knowing and ending up hopefully, living technicolor. You will notice this happening in your clothes and interior spaces. So watch for it. Open the shades, let the yellow sunshine in and wear hot pink. Just own it and refuse to be dulled by death. 

~ Being mediocre isn't acceptable anymore, so I'll continue to strive for extraordinary. 

~ I accept that I'm human-- through and through, mistakes became opportunities, became experiences, became wisdom. Make decisions even if you feel they may be a mistake, it will lead you somewhere wise. 

~ I like my life to be driven by love not fear. I'm the one who knows which is which. No need to talk to a therapist, girlfriend, coach or rabbi. Get quiet and accept the truth. Fear is felt differently in your body than love. Don't tell me you can't tell the difference! Don't worry about what you will have to do after truth comes, truth has a way of guiding you to good places. 

~ Guess what? Tomorrow everything changes. Smile.

~ My capacity for love has grown exponentially the moment I lost what I thought love was. Death taught me that love is much bigger, much deeper, much wider than I ever knew for myself & others. Especially others. As my love grew for others, so did my love for myself. Then respect, forgiveness, failure, risk, fulfillment & dreams came after that. Funny how that happens.  

~ I've pulled many thorns out of my heart and given them time to heal. It feels good to know who I am.. good and bad. I have to accept it all. 

~ My hair may turn grey, my face wrinkled and my body soften-- I'm ok with this as long as the sparkle in my eyes remain. 

~ Everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything everything is a lesson.

~ I've come to peace with the pain I've experienced in life. It taught me to have courage and challenge what is not familiar. It taught me to let go of always wanting safety, comfort or control in every situation. They say every 7 yrs you grow a completely new person from cellular turn over. I'm almost two people separated from when death found me. I'm literally NOT that person!

~ God already knows, let him do his job. Move out of the way.

~ I think my heart is getting younger while my body gets older.

~ I feel moor free and liberated today than I've ever felt. I've paid the price for it.

~ I'm happy that I am happy every day I wake up. I have a choice to be happy the rest of the day. 

~ When you die, you will have a looooong to-do-list somewhere that you WILL NOT finish! I know, I found Chad's after he died. It left an impression on me in many, many ways. 

~ Death hasn't taken anything from me, in contrast, death is constantly giving me life. I appreciate life now more than EVER! I know, no one is promised tomorrow. No one. 

~ My most favorite words 'I will and I can'. Try them sometime. They are worth sharing. 

~ Right timing is everything. Timing everything is not right. Everything will work out in its own right time. Right!

~ I have a greater desire for pure simple pleasures in life. I don't just desire them, I need them. The way the sea washes up on the shore, a feathers luminosity, how an animal moves, busy busy ant hills, the sound of kitty purring, soft fabric on my face, chimes in the wind, water on my face and the smell of fresh nectarines. My senses want more from life. All of precious life. 

~ I must give the world what is uniquely ME. Others will not recognize it at first, it will be a brand new something that is needed in the world. So if its weird, misunderstood, strange, controversial, puzzling, challenging, impossible....then you might be on to something, keep going!

        

 What are your life lessons, are you keeping track of what death has taught you about living? I hope you enjoyed these. Just a few words of wisdom from a girl full of dreams for her next half a century! 

Love to you infinitely,

Carolyn Moor

Founder MWC

Where's the Love?

A few years ago, I decorated my entire house with blue lights.
Not my normal style of decorating! Subconsciously, I wanted a dramatic life shift because frankly, I didn't feel like plain old white lights or colored lights...I felt blue!! 

It only lasted one year. I realized what I was saying to the world 'leave me alone to be with my pain'. I have to admit, it was a very sad, lonely Christmas that year. I was just being honest everyone.

I even had a few friends ask if I was Jewish...as if the color blue was reserved for such. Honestly, I took that as a great compliment. 

Raised a Christian, yet having found new, wonderful Jewish friends along this journey, I realize now that there is so much beauty in blue for the holidays, especially for Hanukkah, a beautiful sacred celebration time to dedicate ourselves to believing in miracles. 

I've learned that blue can have a multitude of emotions. I choose to see the true blue belief in the lighting of hopeful candles to light my way. I see so much hope being near my Jewish friends as they spend 8 days out of the year at sundown lighting each candle in the nine branched candle holder called the menorah. 

The ninth candle is the one that lights all the others. It's significance is as the 'helper'. As the candles are lit each evening at sundown, blessings and hymns are recited and sung to commemorate miracles. Although I do not understand Hebrew or many parts of the Torah, I can sense the significance in this time of honor for the Jewish culture and the world. 

For Christians like myself, our miracle is in the birth of Our savior Jesus Christ, a miracle of the supernatural. A Way in a Manger that has lit the path for centuries since ancient Bethlehem. 

The parallels of miracles and light have always fascinated me about our opposing theological beliefs. I feel equally loved by both sector of friendships and I believe their hearts are genuinely reciprocal. 

As I sit here today, I have to believe that this 'peace on earth' that I experience seeing holiday lights, candles, traditions and celebrations has to mean something deeper and more relevant in our lives in order to connect to the GREAT LOVE that exists all around us daily, yet especially during this time of year.

We must return to love in this world and we must accept it. By doing so, we are saying "I am worthy of a miracle, a blessing to happen in my life".

Keep the hope alive. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa and Season's Greetings. 

Many blessings to you,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club 

Crack of Dawn

I often wonder about other peoples lives. 

Mostly when I've been awakened at 6am by an iphone alarm tone to make two lunches, drink a cleansing green protein shake with vitamins for breakfast and stumbling to find my flip flops as I run out the door at 6:45am with my teen daughters headed to drop them off at two different locations 5 miles apart. 

I'm the first person out of their driveway in the dark. I see the lights on in homes where I know their life is a bit easier, the overall workload of life is more equally distributed and there is more help in general to sustain, manage and support. 

I keep driving, talking with my daughters in the short one hour I have with them in the morning. I won't see them again for 12 hrs with a busy school life and both involved in rowing after school. They are usually very hungry and by 6:45pm, I will return to this role as provider. But until then, my life speeds up. 

The crack of dawn has passed and now, I am faced with choices. I can focus on fitness, a long house to-do list, my Modern Widows Club world, design job #1, design job #2, bills, teachers homework calendar for my daughters, mail, laundry, cleaning out my car, relax, read, organize, write or go back to bed. 

This morning, I choose to write down the blog post that I just rehearsed in my head as I drove home thinking about some future Dunkin Donuts Hazelnut coffee and my life.....as a widow. A single mom raising two girls since they were 2 and 4 years old. It's been a long, winding road full of celebrations, tears, triumphs, failures,  blessings and amazing surprises. 

I could write a pretty story here but the truth is, this life is difficult and riddled with challenges at every turn. Every day I awaken and know I'm behind before I even start. No one needs to tell me or talk me out of this. No fancy inspirational quote on Facebook is going to convince me any differently. I know the heartache of loosing a beloved spouse and then two weeks later everyone you know leaves and I'm on my own for the next 12 years to raise & financially support my daughters. It takes hard work, determination and looking in the right places for answers. 

We are brought up to believe that God, family, neighbors or government will be there for us, but from my experience God is the only one you can truly depend on. For us, family comes around occasionally for holidays, most often wanting us to travel to them, but there is a difference in expecting someone to be there after tragedy and knowing no one will be.

I greatly admire families who help each other in ways that are so beautiful it causes me to cry in seclusion from wanting this sometimes. But, in reality, I knew my family wouldn't be there for me, so I haven't used any energy trying to make them be something they aren't. I accepted the way it was, and spent my limited energy towards solutions and a life worth living for us. I became the leader we needed by living a no excuse life. 

Boldly and bravely, many times making decisions with my gut and vulnerable to the unknown. 

I created a family that has been there every step of the way with Modern Widows Club, my women's group C-LOVE, my church, lots of people I love who care for us deeply. It has nurtured me and I continue to fight the good fight because I know the sweetness of the rewards. 

In a days time, I exercise, cook, work, drive, manage, organize, create, garden, solve, talk, negotiate, produce, think, grow, try, pray, resolve, clean, dream, contemplate, discover, cry, breathe, love, mentor, remember, coordinate, inspire, wonder.....the list goes on. I go for 16 hrs long....every day.... dividing my time between all things that I manage and some that manage me. 

I don't lunch with ladies, play tennis, ride horses, play golf or do anything where time is of essence. Leisure means 'getting behind' for me. I catch it in between stop lights checking emails or texting a friend or 10 minutes sitting on my front porch before the girls get home at night. I take it whenever I can believe me!

I did that this weekend for my daughters birthday and now our cupboards are bare for lunches, I haven't made it to the gym, the laundry is piled up and I'm behind at work. 

When you wake up behind every day, taking time off means your return to reality is a very tough trek up 'responsibility mountain'. So, I try to stay on course with what I know works. Exercise & supplements for stamina, creativity & work for vigorous income and crack of dawn driving with my daughters & nighttime dinner then homework for love. 

I pray I can keep my small dwindling savings and college funds, my home, my vehicle, my insurance policies and food on our table. I don't take any of this for granted because I know it only takes a moment for life to change like you knew it before.  

I know no one is coming to rescue me...that person is ME! (I have a lot of faith in me and I know God keeps me close in his hands). I've been witness to the fact there is a big difference in talking about faith and living solely by faith. If you want to know what 'that' is really like, follow me around for a day starting at the crack of dawn.  

I'll keep on dreaming between all these realities and it is enough for today. 

Semper Fi = Always Faithful.

Sincerly,

Carolyn Moor

Letter to 'Little' Carolyn

A few years ago, my mentor & life coach asked me to write a letter to myself as a child. What would I say to 'her' after almost 50 yrs of experience. It was an interesting exercise that left me ignited with positivity. I'd recommend this very personal exercise to anyone. 

I'm being vulnerable and very open with sharing this, so please bear with me. Soon, Modern Widows Club online magazine will launch and we will welcome you sharing your stories & letters to your 'inner child'. 

Sincerely,

Carolyn Moor

MWC Founder/ Editor

Dear ‘Little’ Carolyn,                                                              July 2008

You are special. You are going to experience an abundant life and you are going to be strong and courageous.

Those dreams in your head are ‘seeds’ for your future- hold onto them until you see them come true! Don’t give up because you my dear have the determination like no other to actually see it through. YOUR ideas will bring others alive—they will see your enthusiasm and follow your lead. You have the ability to help others see their own dreams.

Be patient with yourself, be kinder to people- especially your family. You will learn a great deal about yourself from your family experiences and that knowledge will benefit you when you have your own family someday.

Life isn’t always going to seem like it makes sense- but, to God it does.

If you keep remembering that God is the father you look to for everything, you will no doubt be a grateful person for everything in your life. Humanely fathers are meant to protect, support you, but will fail you in some way.

Humans are not perfect, and that is why we have forgiveness. There will be lots of forgiveness.

Being humble is also a hard one- especially for you little miss independent! No one will teach you how to do this and your own nature will prevent you from seeing the value & necessity of this—but you will learn it as life goes on. Unfortunately, the hard way! All a part of God’s plan….so, again, have patience.

The good news is your suffering will end with you. And your children will benefit from all of your experiences and will definitely flourish in life. Rest assured.

You know innately how to make good choices for yourself- listen to that inner voice and trust that God will bring into your life everything you’ve ever imagined and hoped.

You will always be safe and protected, so be sure to be grateful for each day, each person and each breathe.

There is so much to do with a LIFE and so much for you to become. Be happy when you find it and during the process—especially the PROCESS…. because that’s a beautiful part that should not be overlooked.

Plant flowers, smile, share yourself, cry if you feel it, have those difficult talks, surprise yourself, do something strange, swim naked, lay in the grass, feel the sun on your face, pet a kitten and make it purr, watch a mommy bird bring worms to her chicks, eat fresh foods, smell the roses, jasmine & daffodils, surround yourself in orange, mentor a young girl, be open minded to knowledge, read God’s Words, listen when someone is talking to you, make others feel understood, admit when you are really wrong, take time to really care and act on that caring, share- share- share what God gives you, read, learn new words everyday, create a peaceful bedroom, know you are loved more than you could ever imagine, find something you love to do and get paid for it, tell others close to you about your fears and then let them go, journal, take your arms and wrap them around yourself (yes, give hugs to yourself daily), feel the peace within.

Love,

Carolyn Caple Moor (the ‘older’ Carolyn)

Western World Widows bring hope to Worldwide Widows with Kiva

You want to know one of my addictions? 

It's sponsoring third world widows with Kiva micro-loans. 

See what I mean.

From Mexico, El Salvador, Tajikistan, Ukraine, Nicaragua and the latest, Kenya. I started out small with a couple of $25 loans and then one of the ladies would pay me back...penny by penny until, I received the whole $25 back. 

What to do? 

Kiva allows you to receive it back, donate to Kiva or donate to another deserving woman! Of course, I roll it over and keep going. 

Recently, I had a beautiful Kenyan widow contact me through the Modern Widows Club Facebook Page asking to start an alliance, a new chapter in Kenya. We plan on featuring them when our new online MWC magazine launches next month, but for now, you can see their sneek peek photo here. 

The woman in the red shiny shirt is Roseline Orwa. We found out we have very much in common half way around the world. She is widowed, an advocate in her hometown welcoming other younger & older widows into her home, she's an interior decorator who loves planning events that benefit others. Isn't it amazing how God works out the details to be sure you know he is present. 

I'm not sure what is in store for our future but I can say this, I'm willing to make it happen on my end if anyone else is with me!! Let's be what the Dalai Lama said at the 2009 Vancouver Peace Summit- 'Western world women will save the world'. 

Personally, I think he meant western world widows will save the world.... but I'll take that up with him someday when we meet :) 

Will you please consider reaching out to a widow somewhere in the world at Kiva or on your own. 

Click here to follow my lead: http://www.kiva.org/invitedby/carolyn9237

Thank you for paying it forward, Carolyn Moor

Founder Modern Widows Club where

western world widows are bringing hope to worldwide widows. 

Always Wear Your Invisible Crown

Anyone who has found themselves at the crossroads in life knows it's a perspective shifting experience. An invisible portal into another world that is shaking things up for you whether you want it or not.

Somewhere along the line for me, I realized something interesting that I always share when I mentor other widows....that we are wearing invisible crowns handed to us from a divine place of honor that is very misunderstood in the beginning.

You see, I was a queen, but not in the sense that we usually think of a queen. I certainly was not being pampered or waited on hand and foot, but I was in charge of something vitally important and regal. And that is- this one life that God has blessed me with.

I reluctantly, yet finally, accepted my crown and have spent many years collecting jewels that I swear people can actually see now. Like any crown you've ever seen, it is comprised of two key ingredients: metal & jewels.

These two components have great symbolism if you think about it.

 Iron, as in 'iron sharpens iron', is symbolic for spiritual, unseen guides- spirits, saints, G-d, Jesus, angels,  fill in the blank _______ are quite literally around you at all times.... you are never alone. This guidance is omnipresent and literally holds us up in times when we need the borrowed strength. It is our court of majesty.

These spiritual guides are our very own 'divine net' which is meant to catch you if you fall, as opposed to, constrict you from moving along in this mission. Recognizing when we feel stuck in life, trapped in a scenario is the exact moment you need to visualize your 'net' differently. Are you stuck or free to fly? Which is it? You are the queen of your court...rule the land.

When you were born, you were uniquely encoded with the likeness of God in the image of man...some call this the soul essence and this essence gives you a direct lineage for the inborn knowingness to unlock your own spiritual potential to fly. In jumping off the springboard of life, you instinctively know there is a net to catch you, and when you do, you discover new jewels of wisdom, new heights of adventure and your own spiritual core. You find jewels like peace, joy and love.

Just as jewels (real precious stones) develop under pressure, so will your ownership of certain jewels that will be placed upon your invisible crown. Large and small, the design will be created.

That saying 'she has light in her eyes' very much applies here. As a modern widow, being aware of the light giving quality in your eyes is very important to get back again. Look into a persons eyes (mine happen to be green) and tell me, can you see their soul?

You are the queen, the princess of your own domain. You are on a royal mission possible, damn it. Quite simply, as a widow, you have been chosen for this jewel scavenger hunt. I'm afraid it didn't just happen randomly, you were 'blessed and honored with this crown'....there was a divineness, a knowing that you would heed the call and God knew you would claim it someday...is today that day?

Unfortunately, when you don't claim it and instead refuse to stand up, answer, bravely walk into the unknown of your own life--your light will become a mere flicker....you become dim, shadow, you grow dark, which usually exhibits itself outwardly as depression, fear, resistance, uncertainty, hesitation, indecision, saying 'no' when you 'know' you should say yes. In this state, you are running backwards away from your fate instead of stepping forwards towards your royal destiny.

Stepping forwards may mean getting out of bed, driving yourself to a friend who listens, picking up the phone to sign up for that class you've always wanted to take. It's doing anything other than sitting still with your thoughts. Move it or loose it.....after all, you've got jewels to excavate and a beautiful design in process.

I'm inviting you to own your invisible crown today. Upon falling asleep this evening, just quietly say to yourself 'Where am I needed as I wear this invisible crown?' The subconscious will respond mysteriously.... abundantly... surprisingly, you are on your way to finding experiences that are nothing short of fullness, beauty, gratitude and life. The shining of your prisms are needed in this world, it matters tremendously how you choose to wear this crown.

Shining in Gratitude,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Our online magazine is under construction- to be launched soon....we promise. 

What could have been.

As I sit here and write this post, I wonder where you are at this moment. I wonder how many months, or years it has been since you lost someone you love. In particularly this week, the death anniversary of my late husband, I find myself remembering all the things that 'could have been'. 

Father daughter dances. Graduation. Talks about boys. Walking down the aisle. Holding a grandchild for the first time. 

Many thoughts so painfully real that it leaves me unable to breathe. 

This Valentine's Day was my 12th year being a widow. I allow myself to fully feel the loss on this day- to remember what could have been. It hurts. Badly. There's so much I wanted but I will never have. 

After the tears, the photo box overload, the isolation, the writing letters and the intrepid trip down memory lane, I can bravely say I have come to a new place called 'what could be'. 

What could be is at the very essence of where Modern Widows Club was born. To me, I was a widow second and a woman first. I needed to get back to being a woman again. So, I decided to see if there were any other women like me, who thought like this. And you know what? I found them. You are probably one of them, maybe you know one. 

Let me share some of the 'what could be' thoughts I discovered at our MWC: Social Hour last night around the fire.

~It's ok to say 'I'm happy' and not feel guilty. It's ok to change your mind tomorrow. 

~MWC is a destination along your journey.

~Your sisters at MWC are fanning your inner flame that will become a glowing fire.

~We are unassuming heroines with blessed wounds that have shaped our character.

~When it feels like nothing is happening, something actually is happening, you just don't know it yet. 

~With dating again, the options are unlimited. Becoming at peace with the fact you may or may not have another partner in life just may save you from making a serious mistake. What is important to remember is you loved in this life and be thankful it happened to you.

~Plant a lot of seeds in your life. Some will grow fast, some won't.

~You are first, a woman, second, a widow. Become it. 

~At MWC, we show each other our authentic selves --even when we don't know who that is!

~Widows who focus on being a woman can be uplifting and inspiring to all women who fear widowhood in their future. We become the lighthouse of hope across all boundaries. 

~Sometimes bravely saying 'I'm grateful, but goodbye' to a situation that is not honoring to your life is the best solution. You're going to need a higher power and friends to reach out and make it through. 

The women of Modern Widows Club are wise, brave, relevant and vital to society. They are fragile and yet strong. They are different and it's a good thing. Men want to date them, but they don't even know it. Women look up to them, and they shy away from it. People whisper about widows, and now, we have something to whisper about! 

Become 'what could be'..... 

Breathe again. 

Hope again. 

Peace again. 

Happy again. 

Thrive again. 

Friend again. 

Grateful again.

Yes, we are different, we wear invisible crowns, thank goodness. 

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club- 

Talk to us on Facebook today! 

A Modern Widow. Does she look like you thought? 

Just Because....

This morning, driving my daughter to school my thoughts were on my awesome 'last night'.

About 5 yrs ago, I decided to start a women's group comprised of my closest 30 real friends who basically held me up when I couldn't go on after suddenly becoming a widow and single mom.

You know, its those friends who watch your kids, hire you, encourage you, hold you when you cry, mentor you, give it to you straight and can make you upset sometimes. But one thing is for sure, they add to your cup that flow-ith over!! I had a cup that was spilling over with gratitude and needed a way to 'give back'.

So, I created a group called C-LOVE (Carolyn Love), but we all just call it clove for short. We have speakers share, I share, they share and we all grow in phenomenal ways. The topics are as heartwarming as heartwrenching sometimes. I'm so honored to be in a room full of authentic women who parent, work, struggle, love, care, give and change the world with every thought. They engage me and lift me up. I've become the best woman I can with their constant support. Our logo says it all: Conscious, Luminous, Open hearted, Vital and Empowered.

Last night, I just stood in awe of them and found myself sharing a story about what I do for Valentine's Day and encouraged them to go and 'do something, just because'.

In my old neighborhood, stood a historic, beautiful home with an overgrown yard where a woman lived in seclusion. I could see that a car would leave and return, and since her driveway was on a busy street, rarely was there an opportunity to catch a glimpse of her. I would ask my neighbors if anyone had ever met the woman and received a 'no' every time-- few even knew her name but everyone knew she was widowed.

I wondered about the woman: her name, her story. So, I decided to do something 'just because'.

On Valentine's Day, the death anniversary of my late husband, we (my family) go into the world and do something to commemorate his 'spirit' and 'love' that was given to us. So, on that Valentine's Day, I went to the store and bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers and proceeded down the sidewalk to the 'mystery neighbors' house. I braved crossing the busy street and because her front yard was so overgrown, I went to the back door near her car.

I knocked and stood looking at the beautiful house designed by James Gamble Rogers II, a famous architect in Winter Park, FL. Then I heard footsteps and a door opened. I peered thru the locked screen door to a tall woman with gray hair and beautiful face. She smiled and said hello.

I smiled and said 'Hi, my name is Carolyn and I'm one of your neighbors. We've never met, but I heard you were a widow too. I'm also a widow and I just wanted you to know that I think of you'. You could see her soften and reach down to unlock the screen door, as it opened I saw the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. The face of surprise, shock was evident. I lifted my arm and extended the flowers out saying 'You are not alone. Happy Valentine's Day just because'.

Well, that's when an instant friendship was formed. She invited me in and gave me a tour of her beautiful house. She only lived in one small portion of it, it needs repair. There is no water in the swimming pool and the air was pungent with a slight mildew scent. It was a haven for her, a place where she lived with her late husband. She had a son, and he came over often. We swapped stories and then I told her how happy I was that I finally came over. I wondered why it took me so long.

We said goodbye.

The years have gone by, I went back to raising my children and watching her car in the driveway. I moved from that neighborhood and rarely get over there, but I have to say, this moment is one of the most memorable from living there for 10 yrs. Sometimes 'just because' leads you to the 'heaven' that is all around you if you are willing to go and do for others on a day when you feel like you 'need' the love. It's quite the opposite, when you give what you need, you get back 10 fold-- that's just how God works it.

I plan on taking flowers over to Joann this year, its been way too long!

With love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder/ Modern Widows Club

Little Miracles

This morning, I received a kind email from a North Carolina man who lost his wife 10 yrs ago. He saw me on PBS with Growing Bolder TV and said 'It was very emotional for me. I still feel lost and empty, but hearing what you had to say really touched me'. 

I'm so grateful he took the time to reach out and connect with me.

Today, I share with you a video, a message I filmed a year ago, from my living room with Growing Bolder...it's me just being honest and forthright. I'm not stuck in grief, I'm transformed by grief and today, I live my life like I have a choice. We all do. 

Little Miracles

If you knew how long you’d live — would you change what you do today? Tomorrow? In this episode, we speak with people who have challenged stereotypes, overcome major obstacles and proven that when you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything.

ENTER YOUR ZIPCODE AT THIS LINK AND YOU CAN SEE IF IT'S SHOWING ON YOUR LOCAL STATION.
NYC (2/7- 11:30pm), LA/ Beverly Hills (2/6- 10:30pm), Austin (2/12- 10:30a), Denver (2/12- 11pm), Orlando/ Villages (2/12 12p, 2/16 6p, 2/17 12:30a)

Dedicated to every person who has loved,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Moor Alive Interiors

http://tv.growingbolder.com/episodes/little-miracles/1332/

A heart for Valentine's Day

In love we talk a lot about hearts. 

~Hearts that beat fast

~Hearts that skip a beat

~Hearts that break

~Hearts that wait

If you were anything like me, you felt the heart beating inside the chest of the man you loved more than once in your relationship. My favorite thing to do was to snuggle in close and be surprised when you could hear the heart raising faster, all because you two were near each other. (Sigh)

We all know that saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' But we also know, permanent absence is not what they are talking about. Absence of a heartbeat means only one thing and we have experienced this crushing reality. It caused us to face how fragile hearts really are and brought our attention to caring for them.

In Holistic Healing, the heart chakra is vital to healing hurtful emotional life situations- grief, divorce, abandonment, abuse, adultery, rejection. Anything that connects us to love lost. Our hearts are wounded and we are like 'wounded children'. Like a child, they love unconditionally, they don't think about it, they sense it is what is good and give of it. 

I believe children do bring us back into emotional empowerment and allows us to trust and believe in the love that emanates from the center of our life force. Some heart strings will get cut too soon in life but we are the owners of thousands of strings that still exist and they become lifelines for us. 

When I found out that my husband's death certificate would say Feb. 14, 2000 on it, it was almost too much to bear thinking about living that out in the future. How could God allow this permanent reminder, it felt so cruel. After all, no one had loved a man greater than I did and more devastated than loosing that man on the most 'loving' holiday in this country. But He had a plan that I was unaware of, nor cared to know at the moment. 

Instead, I was being handed a piece of paper to check off boxes which listed organs in his body to donate. The very first box was the heart. 

My own heart sank and from somewhere came the strength to keep going. Check-lungs, check-kidneys, check-liver, check- cornia, check, check and check.......until every box was filled. 

Sometimes we do out of love what we don't understand, there's a place in your soul that calls out for you to do the right thing and you step up. Always listen to that quiet voice that comes when you feel you have lost everything. I did this and unselfishly gave the only loving action I had left to give.....donating my husbands body. 

I'm taking a moment to catch my breathe.

Months later, I became curious about another story out in the world- the story of a person who received Chad's heart on Valentine's Day? I imagined what an amazing blessing that had to be getting the call 'Happy Valentine's Day'. So I asked to find out and Translife told me I was not allowed. I persisted and wanted to write an anonymous letter if they would deliver it. They did. Then, I received a letter back with no name. 

This went on for 2 years.

Then, we were allowed to leave the privacy of Translife and do what we wanted. Guess what happened next?

I met the man who received Chad's heart. But more importantly I met the wife who thought she was going to loose her husband and on Feb. 14, 2000 fell down in tears of gratitude at the news that her husband would live. Then, I met their two children (same age as mine 4 & 6) and they didn't know what was going on!!! Lol. Neither did my children when they met.....they just became kids and started to play together. A beautiful distraction to an emotional reunion. A reminder to choose life.

Words really can't describe this moment. The newspaper covered it, it is an amazing story. For me, it shows the all powerful need to LOVE BIG and use our hearts until it hurts. It was God clearly giving grace and showing me more of His plan. Hurting can lead to great healing and so I open my heart and risk the hurt that might come everyday. We are all capable of this. Will you love big today, until it hurts? Plant this new seed thought, then grow where you are planted. He's winking at you.

 That's what I wanted to share with you this morning from my humble home in Orlando.

Dedicated to the legacy that MWC children are leaving in this world,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Here's the REST OF THE STORY- Enjoy.

Click here for the: Orlando Sentinel Article