Conversations and Kindness have Positive Impact for Widows

One year ago, MWC was conceived and birthed at a Starbucks here in Central FL. Two ladies discussing how they wished there was a way to find more ladies in the area and simply do two things.......

1)- Have conversations that don't occur anywhere else. 
2)- Be kind to one another. 

In the last 12 months, we have done just that. I'd like to share some of the great things that I've experienced this year for having a dream, opening up my heart and home and thinking out of the box a little bit.

Great Thing #1
In January 2012, we began with 3 ladies, who are all still involved with MWC. But now, we have over 60 name tags in our box. Every lady bravely 'showed up' one evening to see what we were all about. They found us by word of mouth, facebook, twitter, meet up or eventbrite. I'd say about half come back on a regular basis when they can, but I like to hope that every woman came and felt some kindness and had a conversation they couldn't have anywhere else. I hope they felt nurtured, encouraged and welcomed.

Great Thing #2
Our Facebook Page keeps growing bigger and bigger everyday and is where we have online conversations about health, finances, relationships, family and faith. I am impressed constantly at the new perspectives I read and the authenticity in every voice. I hope we continue to make a positive impact here. The page is viewed by many non-widows and they come there for support and I think that is a very good thing. I believe every widow is a true hero and deserves a place to shine.

Great Thing #3
After 12 months, 'Modern Widows Club' is officially trademarked with the United States Patent and Trademark Office. We can now use the registered symbol to protect our name legally. After lots of emails, letters and filings, I can finally release my attorney after accomplishing this goal.

Great Thing #4 Several of our ladies got remarried, gave away their daughters without their husbands, authored books (Finding Joy After Loss), learned major new skills of thriving, endured angel-verssaries, lost grief weight, discovered new talents and pursued new dreams. Many of these extraordinary, ordinary courage stories is partly why we wanted to launch an online magazine just for widows, so we can share these phenomenal moments with more of the world. There isn't a day that goes by that a widow doesn't blow me away with her perseverance and grace.

Great Thing #5
We partnered with Servant's Heart Center to bring over 15 Thanksgiving Blessing Boxes to local widows in Orlando, FL and created a relationship that enables us to provide food baskets each week for any Central FL widow in need to feed her family. We are so very grateful for the support, compassion and God's love they have gifted us. One out of town widow brought her kids to volunteer because she was so impressed with their efforts to fulfill James 1:27 in caring for all widows & orphans.

Great Thing #6
I accepted an award on our behalf at the Live Your Legacy Summit in Orlando, FL for supporting widows and designing your legacy through your hardship.

Great Thing #7 
We have actually designed an online magazine, found most of the contributors and slowly working our way to funding this movement (see a glimpse below). We launched a Modern Widows Club campaign on Indiegogo to see if you and more of the world would support us and take an active role at how important it is for widows to have their own magazine highlighting the warrior life we live each day. Just sharing this with your friends or leaving an encouraging helps our visibility- so click the link and say 'we believe'.

While I was on Indiegogo, I found another campaign about widows in India and connected with a young, single 24 yr student named Hanna Blaney who is researching there and shared her photos with me after I personally introduced myself and added a little support to her campaign. Her desire to do something kind for these widows resulted in a 24th birthday celebration where over 85 widows attended and she taught them breathing technics and they ate cake. Hanna said it was the first time many of them smiles during her whole stay in India. Few people of the world care for widows in India and I'm so honored to have stumbled on Hanna's project and hope to share her story as one the first worldwide widowed stories in the magazine. I love how her heart has completely tuned into and provided respect for the needs of poverty stricken and culturally disadvantaged India widows. Talk about being kind and unique conversations!!

We also sent 'Mission LEGOS' to Kenya for underprivileged widows & their children. We hope to contribute more to the Wagoma Women, Orphan and Widows Advocacy Centre in this way. They are located in the Bondo district near Lake Victoria and one of the many forgotten areas outside of Nairobi. The woman you see up close in the photo below is Roseline Orwa- she friended me 6 months ago via Facebook. This woman who is a powerful voice for widows in Kenya, donated her own land and knows first hand the plight and struggle of being widowed with few rights in Africa. Widows are treated like property and often moms encourage their children to run to the bush to prevent inevitable abuse. Yes, they'd rather starve and live in fear than be beat. 

Our first USPS package was presented to the kids (who have never seen LEGOS) on Dec. 28th. We were in AWE and so excited to see these happy faces and the shine in their eyes. 

 

Great Thing #8
We started 2 new MWC Chapters.
Kansas City- Led by Jodie Rodenbaugh and had a get together with 4 ladies at a nearby restaurant. They told me the conversation was an instant click and they couldn't believe how much in common they have all experienced. Not that their lives are all the same, they just know the grief journey and the way the mind thinks in that world. We'll be sharing more of Jodie's story in the coming year, but she was pregnant when her husband Thor passed away during a routine surgery.

Seattle- Led by Cindy Nelson, who attended our MWC: Hello Life, Goodbye Shadow workshop in Jan. 2012. Cindy flew to Orlando, FL so we could meet and I've been honored to observe and mentor her as life turned completely upside down in 2012. Her sheer determination to keep 'choosing life' and 'finding joy' impressed me beyond words. She was forced to move, reestablished her residence and took a long journey through deciding what to keep and what to let go. We've all been there!! I'm honored to have her open her doors this December to a 5 widows and start the MWC conversation and kindness on the other end of the country.

Great Thing #7
With over 200 emails a week, 52 formal Chapter requests, requests for radio/ TV interviews, partnerships with organizations on the horizon, agreements with other inspiring widow leaders across the country- we are going to have some phenomenal movement for 2013. We hope to put a small dent into the world of connecting friends, mentors & advocates while we learn, grow and thrive in this life of widowhood together. Every one has something to bring to the table.
-Second Firsts  -The Mentoring Project  -One Fit Widow  -Servants Heart Center  -New Hope for Kids -Zenspirations -WidowFindsLoveAgain -R.I.S.E -Heart Broken Open Circle -Loss to Launch Event

  

Great Thing #9
I was asked to speak by Christina Rasmussen of Second Firsts at the 'Loss to Launch' Event in Boston, MA Nov 2012. I saw lives transform and be uplifted before my eyes. Christina came to visit MWC in Orlando in August and we love her dearly and know she is genuinely the right person to author her Hay House book launching this year. I also met Kristine Carlson, of 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff' series. Together we will all contribute to our eMWC online magazine coming soon.

I've also been asked to speak at SSLF/ Widowed Village's 2013 Camp Widow East and am considering it. Turning our living spaces into moor alive spaces is a topic close to my heart.
Will any of you be there?

I have to admit, I didn't want anything to do with being near the word 'widow' for many, many years.....and then, I embraced the phenomenal meaning and blessing behind the broken openness, not the word. The sheer, raw, boldness is the widowed life that so many fear and yet, live within, is nothing shy of extraordinary. They are living with their invisible crowns daily. Finding triumph in small and big ways in every possible way.

All I can say is, something is happening here. Loss and Life. If you stick around long enough, you might feel like you are a part of something much bigger than yourself. And this widowed life, may just prove to be the most engaging time of your life. You may find yourself shining in ways you never knew possible.

I can tell you this- if you show up in the life of one widow and truly give from the heart, there is nothing more fulfilling or rewarding when you cause a widow to smile and to see a twinkle in her eyes. THAT is making a blessed difference. That is being the church. That is being pure love in action.

With great love and looking for what God has planned for 2013,
Carolyn Moor

Always Wear Your Invisible Crown

Anyone who has found themselves at the crossroads in life knows it's a perspective shifting experience. An invisible portal into another world that is shaking things up for you whether you want it or not.

Somewhere along the line for me, I realized something interesting that I always share when I mentor other widows....that we are wearing invisible crowns handed to us from a divine place of honor that is very misunderstood in the beginning.

You see, I was a queen, but not in the sense that we usually think of a queen. I certainly was not being pampered or waited on hand and foot, but I was in charge of something vitally important and regal. And that is- this one life that God has blessed me with.

I reluctantly, yet finally, accepted my crown and have spent many years collecting jewels that I swear people can actually see now. Like any crown you've ever seen, it is comprised of two key ingredients: metal & jewels.

These two components have great symbolism if you think about it.

 Iron, as in 'iron sharpens iron', is symbolic for spiritual, unseen guides- spirits, saints, G-d, Jesus, angels,  fill in the blank _______ are quite literally around you at all times.... you are never alone. This guidance is omnipresent and literally holds us up in times when we need the borrowed strength. It is our court of majesty.

These spiritual guides are our very own 'divine net' which is meant to catch you if you fall, as opposed to, constrict you from moving along in this mission. Recognizing when we feel stuck in life, trapped in a scenario is the exact moment you need to visualize your 'net' differently. Are you stuck or free to fly? Which is it? You are the queen of your court...rule the land.

When you were born, you were uniquely encoded with the likeness of God in the image of man...some call this the soul essence and this essence gives you a direct lineage for the inborn knowingness to unlock your own spiritual potential to fly. In jumping off the springboard of life, you instinctively know there is a net to catch you, and when you do, you discover new jewels of wisdom, new heights of adventure and your own spiritual core. You find jewels like peace, joy and love.

Just as jewels (real precious stones) develop under pressure, so will your ownership of certain jewels that will be placed upon your invisible crown. Large and small, the design will be created.

That saying 'she has light in her eyes' very much applies here. As a modern widow, being aware of the light giving quality in your eyes is very important to get back again. Look into a persons eyes (mine happen to be green) and tell me, can you see their soul?

You are the queen, the princess of your own domain. You are on a royal mission possible, damn it. Quite simply, as a widow, you have been chosen for this jewel scavenger hunt. I'm afraid it didn't just happen randomly, you were 'blessed and honored with this crown'....there was a divineness, a knowing that you would heed the call and God knew you would claim it someday...is today that day?

Unfortunately, when you don't claim it and instead refuse to stand up, answer, bravely walk into the unknown of your own life--your light will become a mere flicker....you become dim, shadow, you grow dark, which usually exhibits itself outwardly as depression, fear, resistance, uncertainty, hesitation, indecision, saying 'no' when you 'know' you should say yes. In this state, you are running backwards away from your fate instead of stepping forwards towards your royal destiny.

Stepping forwards may mean getting out of bed, driving yourself to a friend who listens, picking up the phone to sign up for that class you've always wanted to take. It's doing anything other than sitting still with your thoughts. Move it or loose it.....after all, you've got jewels to excavate and a beautiful design in process.

I'm inviting you to own your invisible crown today. Upon falling asleep this evening, just quietly say to yourself 'Where am I needed as I wear this invisible crown?' The subconscious will respond mysteriously.... abundantly... surprisingly, you are on your way to finding experiences that are nothing short of fullness, beauty, gratitude and life. The shining of your prisms are needed in this world, it matters tremendously how you choose to wear this crown.

Shining in Gratitude,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Our online magazine is under construction- to be launched soon....we promise. 

What could have been.

As I sit here and write this post, I wonder where you are at this moment. I wonder how many months, or years it has been since you lost someone you love. In particularly this week, the death anniversary of my late husband, I find myself remembering all the things that 'could have been'. 

Father daughter dances. Graduation. Talks about boys. Walking down the aisle. Holding a grandchild for the first time. 

Many thoughts so painfully real that it leaves me unable to breathe. 

This Valentine's Day was my 12th year being a widow. I allow myself to fully feel the loss on this day- to remember what could have been. It hurts. Badly. There's so much I wanted but I will never have. 

After the tears, the photo box overload, the isolation, the writing letters and the intrepid trip down memory lane, I can bravely say I have come to a new place called 'what could be'. 

What could be is at the very essence of where Modern Widows Club was born. To me, I was a widow second and a woman first. I needed to get back to being a woman again. So, I decided to see if there were any other women like me, who thought like this. And you know what? I found them. You are probably one of them, maybe you know one. 

Let me share some of the 'what could be' thoughts I discovered at our MWC: Social Hour last night around the fire.

~It's ok to say 'I'm happy' and not feel guilty. It's ok to change your mind tomorrow. 

~MWC is a destination along your journey.

~Your sisters at MWC are fanning your inner flame that will become a glowing fire.

~We are unassuming heroines with blessed wounds that have shaped our character.

~When it feels like nothing is happening, something actually is happening, you just don't know it yet. 

~With dating again, the options are unlimited. Becoming at peace with the fact you may or may not have another partner in life just may save you from making a serious mistake. What is important to remember is you loved in this life and be thankful it happened to you.

~Plant a lot of seeds in your life. Some will grow fast, some won't.

~You are first, a woman, second, a widow. Become it. 

~At MWC, we show each other our authentic selves --even when we don't know who that is!

~Widows who focus on being a woman can be uplifting and inspiring to all women who fear widowhood in their future. We become the lighthouse of hope across all boundaries. 

~Sometimes bravely saying 'I'm grateful, but goodbye' to a situation that is not honoring to your life is the best solution. You're going to need a higher power and friends to reach out and make it through. 

The women of Modern Widows Club are wise, brave, relevant and vital to society. They are fragile and yet strong. They are different and it's a good thing. Men want to date them, but they don't even know it. Women look up to them, and they shy away from it. People whisper about widows, and now, we have something to whisper about! 

Become 'what could be'..... 

Breathe again. 

Hope again. 

Peace again. 

Happy again. 

Thrive again. 

Friend again. 

Grateful again.

Yes, we are different, we wear invisible crowns, thank goodness. 

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club- 

Talk to us on Facebook today! 

A Modern Widow. Does she look like you thought? 

A heart for Valentine's Day

In love we talk a lot about hearts. 

~Hearts that beat fast

~Hearts that skip a beat

~Hearts that break

~Hearts that wait

If you were anything like me, you felt the heart beating inside the chest of the man you loved more than once in your relationship. My favorite thing to do was to snuggle in close and be surprised when you could hear the heart raising faster, all because you two were near each other. (Sigh)

We all know that saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' But we also know, permanent absence is not what they are talking about. Absence of a heartbeat means only one thing and we have experienced this crushing reality. It caused us to face how fragile hearts really are and brought our attention to caring for them.

In Holistic Healing, the heart chakra is vital to healing hurtful emotional life situations- grief, divorce, abandonment, abuse, adultery, rejection. Anything that connects us to love lost. Our hearts are wounded and we are like 'wounded children'. Like a child, they love unconditionally, they don't think about it, they sense it is what is good and give of it. 

I believe children do bring us back into emotional empowerment and allows us to trust and believe in the love that emanates from the center of our life force. Some heart strings will get cut too soon in life but we are the owners of thousands of strings that still exist and they become lifelines for us. 

When I found out that my husband's death certificate would say Feb. 14, 2000 on it, it was almost too much to bear thinking about living that out in the future. How could God allow this permanent reminder, it felt so cruel. After all, no one had loved a man greater than I did and more devastated than loosing that man on the most 'loving' holiday in this country. But He had a plan that I was unaware of, nor cared to know at the moment. 

Instead, I was being handed a piece of paper to check off boxes which listed organs in his body to donate. The very first box was the heart. 

My own heart sank and from somewhere came the strength to keep going. Check-lungs, check-kidneys, check-liver, check- cornia, check, check and check.......until every box was filled. 

Sometimes we do out of love what we don't understand, there's a place in your soul that calls out for you to do the right thing and you step up. Always listen to that quiet voice that comes when you feel you have lost everything. I did this and unselfishly gave the only loving action I had left to give.....donating my husbands body. 

I'm taking a moment to catch my breathe.

Months later, I became curious about another story out in the world- the story of a person who received Chad's heart on Valentine's Day? I imagined what an amazing blessing that had to be getting the call 'Happy Valentine's Day'. So I asked to find out and Translife told me I was not allowed. I persisted and wanted to write an anonymous letter if they would deliver it. They did. Then, I received a letter back with no name. 

This went on for 2 years.

Then, we were allowed to leave the privacy of Translife and do what we wanted. Guess what happened next?

I met the man who received Chad's heart. But more importantly I met the wife who thought she was going to loose her husband and on Feb. 14, 2000 fell down in tears of gratitude at the news that her husband would live. Then, I met their two children (same age as mine 4 & 6) and they didn't know what was going on!!! Lol. Neither did my children when they met.....they just became kids and started to play together. A beautiful distraction to an emotional reunion. A reminder to choose life.

Words really can't describe this moment. The newspaper covered it, it is an amazing story. For me, it shows the all powerful need to LOVE BIG and use our hearts until it hurts. It was God clearly giving grace and showing me more of His plan. Hurting can lead to great healing and so I open my heart and risk the hurt that might come everyday. We are all capable of this. Will you love big today, until it hurts? Plant this new seed thought, then grow where you are planted. He's winking at you.

 That's what I wanted to share with you this morning from my humble home in Orlando.

Dedicated to the legacy that MWC children are leaving in this world,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Here's the REST OF THE STORY- Enjoy.

Click here for the: Orlando Sentinel Article 

Letters from the Heart

Early on in my life as a mother, I started innocently writing letters to my infant daughters. Sealing them in an envelope and placing them in their baby books.

I'm not sure what caused me to do this, except maybe in the few quiet moments I wanted to remember all the love I felt, all the love pouring and spilling out of me that I simply found a piece of paper and scribbled the first thought that came to mind.... sentiments from my heart.

It's funny how small actions can turn into the best ideas you've ever had and even better yet the most treasured possessions. To date, I now have approx. 25 sealed handwritten letters expressing my love to my daughters starting in circa: 1996 (I secretly wish I could open them).

Included in them is the first letter I wrote after their daddy passed away.

Mind you, I didn't realize when I started this that I'd be writing such a heart wrenching letter to them. I remember sitting down and starting several times, not wanting the words to be 'real'. Just to admit that he had died was too painful. There's something so wrong about having to write 'If daddy were here.....', I was left sobbing, pushing the paper away and walking out of the room. But, I kept coming back. They deserved to know how much he loved them, how much I loved them and this was one way to show them.

Today, my daughters do not know the letters exist (unless they read this blog). But I imagine someday the moment I hand them this treasured gift from my heart and I wonder what great love like this does for the self esteem of a child who has lost a parent.

All I can hope is, they will receive the love. That they will FEEL the life in them and know their own life is meant for something extraordinary because it was created from great love. I hope they give this love to others and I hope it becomes their legacy.

Think about what kind of legacy are you creating for your loved ones. As you know, its the only thing we get to leave behind that matters.

Sisterly Love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder/ Modern Widows Club

You were born for something great!

'I was born for something great, even when something not so great has happened. I've learned that last part has taken me to the 'great' I never knew existed.' (2006 Old Journal Entry, Backstage at the Oprah Show)

Today, marks the two week journey that I will share looking into my 'trail of tears', the 2 wks leading up to Feb. 14th, Chad's death anniversary. We all experience a shift in our inner selves when we know this is coming. On a cellular level, I know, I cannot resist this coming on or how it will manifest itself, but I've just learned a different way to handle the stress of feeling it.

First, I must resist the feeling of wanting to run away and instead run to those in life who are wanting to give me love in many different ways. I accept any and all love that comes my direction.

Every year, Chad, an architect, would handcraft me a unique, architectural stylized card. It was highly anticipated and I never knew when he would hand it to me....I just kept waiting for the masterpiece to be pulled out so I could see his artistry. Always using callilgraphy to create a touching one or two liner that always left me feeling like the luckiest girl on earth.

So after he died, his dear friend Denny, picked up his architectural markers and continued his tradition of giving me cards with this flavor. Here's what arrived in the mail yesterday. 

The moral of this story is, love continues to live on in bittersweet ways. It's Gods way of allowing us to see the BIG world of love available to us if we allow ourselves to see it. Today, I will and I say 'bring on the rainfall'. Sometimes we have to borrow the love of others, to 
find our own in this life.


With sisterly love, 
Carolyn Moor
Modern Widows Club


                                         ~Dedicated to Chad and all the love he shared with us.