Always Wear Your Invisible Crown

Anyone who has found themselves at the crossroads in life knows it's a perspective shifting experience. An invisible portal into another world that is shaking things up for you whether you want it or not.

Somewhere along the line for me, I realized something interesting that I always share when I mentor other widows....that we are wearing invisible crowns handed to us from a divine place of honor that is very misunderstood in the beginning.

You see, I was a queen, but not in the sense that we usually think of a queen. I certainly was not being pampered or waited on hand and foot, but I was in charge of something vitally important and regal. And that is- this one life that God has blessed me with.

I reluctantly, yet finally, accepted my crown and have spent many years collecting jewels that I swear people can actually see now. Like any crown you've ever seen, it is comprised of two key ingredients: metal & jewels.

These two components have great symbolism if you think about it.

 Iron, as in 'iron sharpens iron', is symbolic for spiritual, unseen guides- spirits, saints, G-d, Jesus, angels,  fill in the blank _______ are quite literally around you at all times.... you are never alone. This guidance is omnipresent and literally holds us up in times when we need the borrowed strength. It is our court of majesty.

These spiritual guides are our very own 'divine net' which is meant to catch you if you fall, as opposed to, constrict you from moving along in this mission. Recognizing when we feel stuck in life, trapped in a scenario is the exact moment you need to visualize your 'net' differently. Are you stuck or free to fly? Which is it? You are the queen of your court...rule the land.

When you were born, you were uniquely encoded with the likeness of God in the image of man...some call this the soul essence and this essence gives you a direct lineage for the inborn knowingness to unlock your own spiritual potential to fly. In jumping off the springboard of life, you instinctively know there is a net to catch you, and when you do, you discover new jewels of wisdom, new heights of adventure and your own spiritual core. You find jewels like peace, joy and love.

Just as jewels (real precious stones) develop under pressure, so will your ownership of certain jewels that will be placed upon your invisible crown. Large and small, the design will be created.

That saying 'she has light in her eyes' very much applies here. As a modern widow, being aware of the light giving quality in your eyes is very important to get back again. Look into a persons eyes (mine happen to be green) and tell me, can you see their soul?

You are the queen, the princess of your own domain. You are on a royal mission possible, damn it. Quite simply, as a widow, you have been chosen for this jewel scavenger hunt. I'm afraid it didn't just happen randomly, you were 'blessed and honored with this crown'....there was a divineness, a knowing that you would heed the call and God knew you would claim it someday...is today that day?

Unfortunately, when you don't claim it and instead refuse to stand up, answer, bravely walk into the unknown of your own life--your light will become a mere flicker....you become dim, shadow, you grow dark, which usually exhibits itself outwardly as depression, fear, resistance, uncertainty, hesitation, indecision, saying 'no' when you 'know' you should say yes. In this state, you are running backwards away from your fate instead of stepping forwards towards your royal destiny.

Stepping forwards may mean getting out of bed, driving yourself to a friend who listens, picking up the phone to sign up for that class you've always wanted to take. It's doing anything other than sitting still with your thoughts. Move it or loose it.....after all, you've got jewels to excavate and a beautiful design in process.

I'm inviting you to own your invisible crown today. Upon falling asleep this evening, just quietly say to yourself 'Where am I needed as I wear this invisible crown?' The subconscious will respond mysteriously.... abundantly... surprisingly, you are on your way to finding experiences that are nothing short of fullness, beauty, gratitude and life. The shining of your prisms are needed in this world, it matters tremendously how you choose to wear this crown.

Shining in Gratitude,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Our online magazine is under construction- to be launched soon....we promise. 

What could have been.

As I sit here and write this post, I wonder where you are at this moment. I wonder how many months, or years it has been since you lost someone you love. In particularly this week, the death anniversary of my late husband, I find myself remembering all the things that 'could have been'. 

Father daughter dances. Graduation. Talks about boys. Walking down the aisle. Holding a grandchild for the first time. 

Many thoughts so painfully real that it leaves me unable to breathe. 

This Valentine's Day was my 12th year being a widow. I allow myself to fully feel the loss on this day- to remember what could have been. It hurts. Badly. There's so much I wanted but I will never have. 

After the tears, the photo box overload, the isolation, the writing letters and the intrepid trip down memory lane, I can bravely say I have come to a new place called 'what could be'. 

What could be is at the very essence of where Modern Widows Club was born. To me, I was a widow second and a woman first. I needed to get back to being a woman again. So, I decided to see if there were any other women like me, who thought like this. And you know what? I found them. You are probably one of them, maybe you know one. 

Let me share some of the 'what could be' thoughts I discovered at our MWC: Social Hour last night around the fire.

~It's ok to say 'I'm happy' and not feel guilty. It's ok to change your mind tomorrow. 

~MWC is a destination along your journey.

~Your sisters at MWC are fanning your inner flame that will become a glowing fire.

~We are unassuming heroines with blessed wounds that have shaped our character.

~When it feels like nothing is happening, something actually is happening, you just don't know it yet. 

~With dating again, the options are unlimited. Becoming at peace with the fact you may or may not have another partner in life just may save you from making a serious mistake. What is important to remember is you loved in this life and be thankful it happened to you.

~Plant a lot of seeds in your life. Some will grow fast, some won't.

~You are first, a woman, second, a widow. Become it. 

~At MWC, we show each other our authentic selves --even when we don't know who that is!

~Widows who focus on being a woman can be uplifting and inspiring to all women who fear widowhood in their future. We become the lighthouse of hope across all boundaries. 

~Sometimes bravely saying 'I'm grateful, but goodbye' to a situation that is not honoring to your life is the best solution. You're going to need a higher power and friends to reach out and make it through. 

The women of Modern Widows Club are wise, brave, relevant and vital to society. They are fragile and yet strong. They are different and it's a good thing. Men want to date them, but they don't even know it. Women look up to them, and they shy away from it. People whisper about widows, and now, we have something to whisper about! 

Become 'what could be'..... 

Breathe again. 

Hope again. 

Peace again. 

Happy again. 

Thrive again. 

Friend again. 

Grateful again.

Yes, we are different, we wear invisible crowns, thank goodness. 

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club- 

Talk to us on Facebook today! 

A Modern Widow. Does she look like you thought? 

Just Because....

This morning, driving my daughter to school my thoughts were on my awesome 'last night'.

About 5 yrs ago, I decided to start a women's group comprised of my closest 30 real friends who basically held me up when I couldn't go on after suddenly becoming a widow and single mom.

You know, its those friends who watch your kids, hire you, encourage you, hold you when you cry, mentor you, give it to you straight and can make you upset sometimes. But one thing is for sure, they add to your cup that flow-ith over!! I had a cup that was spilling over with gratitude and needed a way to 'give back'.

So, I created a group called C-LOVE (Carolyn Love), but we all just call it clove for short. We have speakers share, I share, they share and we all grow in phenomenal ways. The topics are as heartwarming as heartwrenching sometimes. I'm so honored to be in a room full of authentic women who parent, work, struggle, love, care, give and change the world with every thought. They engage me and lift me up. I've become the best woman I can with their constant support. Our logo says it all: Conscious, Luminous, Open hearted, Vital and Empowered.

Last night, I just stood in awe of them and found myself sharing a story about what I do for Valentine's Day and encouraged them to go and 'do something, just because'.

In my old neighborhood, stood a historic, beautiful home with an overgrown yard where a woman lived in seclusion. I could see that a car would leave and return, and since her driveway was on a busy street, rarely was there an opportunity to catch a glimpse of her. I would ask my neighbors if anyone had ever met the woman and received a 'no' every time-- few even knew her name but everyone knew she was widowed.

I wondered about the woman: her name, her story. So, I decided to do something 'just because'.

On Valentine's Day, the death anniversary of my late husband, we (my family) go into the world and do something to commemorate his 'spirit' and 'love' that was given to us. So, on that Valentine's Day, I went to the store and bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers and proceeded down the sidewalk to the 'mystery neighbors' house. I braved crossing the busy street and because her front yard was so overgrown, I went to the back door near her car.

I knocked and stood looking at the beautiful house designed by James Gamble Rogers II, a famous architect in Winter Park, FL. Then I heard footsteps and a door opened. I peered thru the locked screen door to a tall woman with gray hair and beautiful face. She smiled and said hello.

I smiled and said 'Hi, my name is Carolyn and I'm one of your neighbors. We've never met, but I heard you were a widow too. I'm also a widow and I just wanted you to know that I think of you'. You could see her soften and reach down to unlock the screen door, as it opened I saw the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. The face of surprise, shock was evident. I lifted my arm and extended the flowers out saying 'You are not alone. Happy Valentine's Day just because'.

Well, that's when an instant friendship was formed. She invited me in and gave me a tour of her beautiful house. She only lived in one small portion of it, it needs repair. There is no water in the swimming pool and the air was pungent with a slight mildew scent. It was a haven for her, a place where she lived with her late husband. She had a son, and he came over often. We swapped stories and then I told her how happy I was that I finally came over. I wondered why it took me so long.

We said goodbye.

The years have gone by, I went back to raising my children and watching her car in the driveway. I moved from that neighborhood and rarely get over there, but I have to say, this moment is one of the most memorable from living there for 10 yrs. Sometimes 'just because' leads you to the 'heaven' that is all around you if you are willing to go and do for others on a day when you feel like you 'need' the love. It's quite the opposite, when you give what you need, you get back 10 fold-- that's just how God works it.

I plan on taking flowers over to Joann this year, its been way too long!

With love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder/ Modern Widows Club

Little Miracles

This morning, I received a kind email from a North Carolina man who lost his wife 10 yrs ago. He saw me on PBS with Growing Bolder TV and said 'It was very emotional for me. I still feel lost and empty, but hearing what you had to say really touched me'. 

I'm so grateful he took the time to reach out and connect with me.

Today, I share with you a video, a message I filmed a year ago, from my living room with Growing Bolder...it's me just being honest and forthright. I'm not stuck in grief, I'm transformed by grief and today, I live my life like I have a choice. We all do. 

Little Miracles

If you knew how long you’d live — would you change what you do today? Tomorrow? In this episode, we speak with people who have challenged stereotypes, overcome major obstacles and proven that when you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything.

ENTER YOUR ZIPCODE AT THIS LINK AND YOU CAN SEE IF IT'S SHOWING ON YOUR LOCAL STATION.
NYC (2/7- 11:30pm), LA/ Beverly Hills (2/6- 10:30pm), Austin (2/12- 10:30a), Denver (2/12- 11pm), Orlando/ Villages (2/12 12p, 2/16 6p, 2/17 12:30a)

Dedicated to every person who has loved,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Moor Alive Interiors

http://tv.growingbolder.com/episodes/little-miracles/1332/

Roller Coasters and Valentine's Day

What do roller coasters and loosing your husband have to do with each other? Well, for starters its what I do every Valentines Day. WHY?

Because its the anniversary of Chad's death,  and on that day, I do things in his honor to remind me of the life he lived and shared with me...the life that still exists in this life of mine. I do things that honor that contagious laugh, that love for beer and roller coasters. I LIVE because I can. Roller coasters and being a kid for a day is how life was with him and I take one really special day for me to remember this.

Recently, Cindy Nelson, Seattle's MWC Chapter Leader told me of her plan for Valentine's Day- to gift widows and single moms at her church with gift certificates for oil changes. WHY? Because her husband was a mechanic and generously would give back in this way during his life. He was known for his generosity. So, to honor Mike, she continues this and it brings her happiness to be connected to such life. 

What is it your spouse did in this world that was wonderful and is remembered for? When we share and continue these life giving characteristics, they pleasantly bring us life in the process. 

At Modern Widows Club, giving back, connecting to the life around us is a big part of our message. It's what takes you from surviving to thriving. Something as small as taking flowers to another elderly widow in your neighborhood who you might not think you have anything in common, can strengthen a heart like nothing else....in both directions. Life is hard, really hard. When we do our part to make it easier for another, it eases our life in return. 

We would love for you to share what you do to honor your late husband, every effort counts and you never know who is reading this blog and how it will touch them. Share your big love with us and pick up another jewel for your invisible crown. 

From my heart,

Carolyn Moor

Founder/ Modern Widows Club

P.S. If you'd like to meet other women like you. Come to MWC: Social Hour on Feb. 16, 2012. EVERY 3rd Thursday. It's FREE. Sign in below. 

Seattle

Orlando

or our Workshops on Feb. 11 and 18 (Orlando)

or Weekly Small Group- Thursdays (Orlando) 

Want a MWC chapter in your town? Send inquiries to: carolyn@modernwidowsclub.com

Letters from the Heart

Early on in my life as a mother, I started innocently writing letters to my infant daughters. Sealing them in an envelope and placing them in their baby books.

I'm not sure what caused me to do this, except maybe in the few quiet moments I wanted to remember all the love I felt, all the love pouring and spilling out of me that I simply found a piece of paper and scribbled the first thought that came to mind.... sentiments from my heart.

It's funny how small actions can turn into the best ideas you've ever had and even better yet the most treasured possessions. To date, I now have approx. 25 sealed handwritten letters expressing my love to my daughters starting in circa: 1996 (I secretly wish I could open them).

Included in them is the first letter I wrote after their daddy passed away.

Mind you, I didn't realize when I started this that I'd be writing such a heart wrenching letter to them. I remember sitting down and starting several times, not wanting the words to be 'real'. Just to admit that he had died was too painful. There's something so wrong about having to write 'If daddy were here.....', I was left sobbing, pushing the paper away and walking out of the room. But, I kept coming back. They deserved to know how much he loved them, how much I loved them and this was one way to show them.

Today, my daughters do not know the letters exist (unless they read this blog). But I imagine someday the moment I hand them this treasured gift from my heart and I wonder what great love like this does for the self esteem of a child who has lost a parent.

All I can hope is, they will receive the love. That they will FEEL the life in them and know their own life is meant for something extraordinary because it was created from great love. I hope they give this love to others and I hope it becomes their legacy.

Think about what kind of legacy are you creating for your loved ones. As you know, its the only thing we get to leave behind that matters.

Sisterly Love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder/ Modern Widows Club

You were born for something great!

'I was born for something great, even when something not so great has happened. I've learned that last part has taken me to the 'great' I never knew existed.' (2006 Old Journal Entry, Backstage at the Oprah Show)

Today, marks the two week journey that I will share looking into my 'trail of tears', the 2 wks leading up to Feb. 14th, Chad's death anniversary. We all experience a shift in our inner selves when we know this is coming. On a cellular level, I know, I cannot resist this coming on or how it will manifest itself, but I've just learned a different way to handle the stress of feeling it.

First, I must resist the feeling of wanting to run away and instead run to those in life who are wanting to give me love in many different ways. I accept any and all love that comes my direction.

Every year, Chad, an architect, would handcraft me a unique, architectural stylized card. It was highly anticipated and I never knew when he would hand it to me....I just kept waiting for the masterpiece to be pulled out so I could see his artistry. Always using callilgraphy to create a touching one or two liner that always left me feeling like the luckiest girl on earth.

So after he died, his dear friend Denny, picked up his architectural markers and continued his tradition of giving me cards with this flavor. Here's what arrived in the mail yesterday. 

The moral of this story is, love continues to live on in bittersweet ways. It's Gods way of allowing us to see the BIG world of love available to us if we allow ourselves to see it. Today, I will and I say 'bring on the rainfall'. Sometimes we have to borrow the love of others, to 
find our own in this life.


With sisterly love, 
Carolyn Moor
Modern Widows Club


                                         ~Dedicated to Chad and all the love he shared with us.

What I know for sure!

What do you KNOW for sure? 


Does anyone see those articles on the very back page of Oprah  magazine? (or online)
Well, I always seem to be drawn to them, not because I care what Oprah knows 'for sure'....because they turn back around pointing the finger at ME and I start asking myself 'What do I know for sure?' 

'For sure' is a tough one when you become a widow, because nothing looks certain. 


So, I never really asked myself this question until about 5 yrs ago when I was on a surprise date with an influential man who was a mayor of a big deal town. After our date and my walking in heels for many blocks in the city, we sat down finally in my hotel room where he offered to give me a footrub. I let him. 


During that intimate moment, he asked me a question- 'What do you believe in?' and my heart started to race nervously. I was stumped. I wanted to answer the 'right way' and I wanted him to approve of my answer. I had stars in my eyes for this man and I felt like any potential future with him might hinge on this one moment of sharing 'what I believed in'. 

I fumbled and stumbled, I felt inferior. I froze and admitted 'I wasn't sure.' Was he meaning spiritually, metaphorically or realistically. I started analyzing the answer and he quietly said again 'Just tell me what you believe in!'. 


He left that night and I laid in bed looking up at the white ceiling and thinking 'why couldn't I tell him?'. It made me wonder who I was and what my convictions really were. I had been living life and doing life with what I felt like I believed in, but in fact, I couldn't share these beliefs at a moment of important significance.


I've spent the last 5 yrs not only discovering what I believe in but being able to share it at the drop of a hat. Listed below are just a few. I welcome you to write and share yours with me if you know or maybe recommitting to finding out this year. 


~I believe that God has a much bigger plan for me (and everyone) than our pea brains can conceive.
~I believe I'm a widow, single mom of two daughters who are meant to witness a warrior mom because they will need this example for their own purpose in this world. 
~I believe life is right before your eyes if you look with God Goggles on.
~I believe that Jesus is my greatest mentor and I look forward to meeting him someday. I attempt daily to be a fraction of his example. Whether you believe in him or not, he is awe-inspiring. 
~I believe love is our universal language that makes all things good. 
~I believe it matters where you grew up and who you know, but I also believe it can become a negative or positive in your life if you see it that way. 
~I believe a vacation is the best medicine.
~I believe that my Macbook Pro is a lifeline. 
~I believe my cat Maggie taught me how to trust in love again.
~I believe you can't walk out of your own story, no matter how hard you try. 
~I believe we all have divine ingredients; discovering them allows you to have your cake and eat it too.
~I believe that every person I meet is a messenger and I'm meant to seek out the message.
~I believe that I will always want to live near water
~I believe life is short and bittersweet


Thank you for listening and being in my life. 
Carolyn Moor
www.modernwidowsclub.com

Welcome PA, TX, IA, KY, CA, WA, TN, NJ and NY

Good Morning Ladies, I wanted to say 'welcome' to all the newbies. (I might have missed a state or two.)

I woke up thinking about how very phenomenal every one of you are. Living out your 'not supposed to be' life. Your eyes open up and you choose to either pull over the covers again (which is fine) or get up and accomplish something (which is fine too).

I don't accomplish everything I set ou

t to do everyday...mainly because I attempt too much. I don't always leave 'space' for what God has ready for me. I have a ritual that I try to do every morning, I pull a 'grace card' and this card always seems to be a northern star for me. It centers me.

Some days I'm surprised how poignant it is and somedays, I'll admit, I get a little miffed at what I pull because its usually something I'm struggling with and want to forget.

Just this moment I pulled my card: RECEIVE- When we open ourselves up to others, we open ourselves up to the abundance of the universe.

See.

I may not know you personally, but I think of you daily constantly. I praise you secretly and I know you do 'a-ma-zing', even when you don't take the time to realize it. I know this journey isn't always easy or wanted. But you have sisters, and they are freakin awesome and ready at the drop of a hat... this I know. There are a million places you can find solace online, I'm honored you are here and I promise to always be painfully authentic. Happy Weekend, we survived and thrived another day ;) 

Carolyn Moor

Founder @ Modern Widows Club

Lessons learned @ MWC Social Hour

Last evening was our 3rd monthly MWC: Social Hour in Orlando, FL. Yes, we are a fairly new group that packs a punch and blows the lid off of what life is really like for a modern widow. I closed the door to my home about 12:45am after opening it at 6:00pm. That's just how we do it. 

I was tired, but invigorated and hoped I'd remember half of what nurtured me last night so I could share with you today. Widows as recent as 6 months, 4 yrs, 5 yrs, 10 yrs, 12 yrs and 25 yrs were in the house. We are for every woman at every stage. 

So, here goes. 

Widows deserve surprise gifts, hugs and to know someone out there is thinking of them. 

Widows are gracious hosts because its wonderful to be 'giving back' after needing to be 'given to' for so long. 

No matter how much time and space has occurred since death entered our life, it only takes one reminder, one trigger to take you back there in a milli-second to remind us that life will never be the same. It can become bitter or better, you will have to choose for yourself. 

All of us are struggling with something: relationships, money, jobs, finding purpose. We are on a parallel path with others who truly understand. Finding others is important to being understood when you feel like an alien. 

We kinda know you are tired of hearing about our late husbands, but we are healing while we are talking. We are finding our way in a strange new world. Just find a way to sit and listen to us without dismissing how valuable your silence and receiving is to us. 

Always wear your invisible crown, but of course, when there are REAL crowns around, always wear THOSE! 

Life is full of surprises.

Sometimes a brave new idea will resonate with others deeply in ways only God can comprehend. Our job is to be the hands & feet and make His love a daily offering from your heart. 

Ask and you shall receive. We don't ask for enough of what we deserve. We don't share how we really feel- like how we hate writing thank you notes for favors that friends do constantly for us. Why? Because it makes us relive that memory of WHY we need so much help. As twisted as that sounds, its how we feel sometimes. 

A good laugh is the best medicine. A question was asked "Will there ever be more to do in life than 'pulling the covers' over our heads" Widow response: "I can think of a lot of other good things to do under the covers!" (INSERT HUGE LAUGH)

We all agree that we want 'partnering' again. Marriage? Maybe. That's up to the individual, but we all want someone to want to be with us. To look forward to seeing us, smiling with us, touching each other. We all want what everyone wants. 

We've all lost friends. We've all rejoined with those friends at weddings and funerals. These experiences anchor us to what matters in life. It's important to honor those connections and again feel the simple pleasures of a conversation, warming toes by a fire and planning a "People I Love Party". 

For those of you who were not around the fire last night, a 'People I Love Party' is a party where you invite all those people who you love, all those people who attended your wedding and funeral. But now,  you celebrate this life and love you do have today. Why must we have a life altering event to celebrate a life?

I had this party in 2005. Over 100 of my friends attended, I don't have photos to post to show you, but I'm sure every person who attended remembers. I created nametags that said 'Carolyn loves me because____________________________". So as you approached a stranger, you had a bit of information to learn and share. It was pretty awesome!

You see, life as a widow gives you permission to do life differently. You can have a party like no one else, you can create a group of widows and call it modern. You can do anything.....anything. Just do it. In the 'doing' you will find your next step, next clue to go another day and so on. 

Also, once a widow, always a widow, so reach back. As we learned last night from Anne- a 25 yr widow veteran who attended because  "even after all these years", she hoped to find a group like the Modern Widows Club. 

We are honored to be that for her. I am honored to have such extraordinary new friends. So let's spread the word. 'If it is to be, it is up to me.' 

So grateful for every lady who attending, shared their heart and experiences last evening. 

Looking really forward to teaching you this Saturday, Jan. 21st for our 'Goodbye Shadow + Hello Life' Workshop and 'Surviving to Thriving' Workshop. A few seats are still calling your name. 

Next month, mark your calenders!!!!!

MWC: Social Hour  Feb. 16  to prove 'There is life after love, even when you loose love on Valentine's Day!' I will be sharing tidbits of video from my TLC episode on 'Shalom in the Home' as I discussed Valentine's Day thru the lens of a modern widow. 

It's gonna be good, so keep up here and on Facebook!

Carolyn Moor

 Easy register: modernwidowsclub.com

http://www.modernwidowsclub.comhttp://www.modernwidowsclub.com

MWC Social Hour, first ever!

MWC wishes to extend a casual, social invitation to you for our first ever MWC: Social Hour. October 20th, Credo Coffee House, 5-6:30pm, 700 W Smith Street, Orlando, FL 32804. We have a little gift for you.


Credo is a non-profit that runs a coffee shop in the College Park neighborhood. The interior is lovely, the employees are friendly, the coffee is great and the neat-o ‘donations only’ payment system is catching on.



Meet, connect and uplift other modern widows in Central FL (Orlando) area in a relaxed environment. No need to RSVP, just come between 5p- 6:30pm. Carolyn Moor will be present, may read an excerpt from her book but mostly we just want you to know ‘we care about you’.