Modern Widows Club Magazine is for You!

One year ago, I had a dream. I certainly see myself as a dreamer. This dream was to create a connection point for widows that was approachable, friendly and trustworthy to mentor widows starting with my own home town of Orlando, FL and eventually extending my reach all over the world. 

But with all dreams, there are so many unanswered and curious questions to resolve before the reality of that dream is realized. 

This is why I spent over a year creating Modern Widows Club Magazine. An online resource where we could all connect, read articles from other inspirational men and women who have lost a spouse and yet, found a way to move forward while reaching back. 

Their pain has found purpose and so will yours.

MWC Magazine 

That's why we are a widows mentoring organization. Mentoring is the answer to connect us all. Mentors are friends who care deeply enough to not turn away from what they know and instead reach back with who they are today. 

Actually, to be forthcoming, I had several dreams. Not just the conscious dreaming we do when we'd rather be doing something else. I had subconscious dreams in my sleep of making a global impact on improving other widows day to day living. After all, I had actually survived and thrived after 13 yrs along this widowed journey. I knew the power of God Boxes (my MacBook Pro) and my mini God Box (my iPhone). I knew there was a way to reach you.

And as hard as I tried to walk into a new life as a single woman, a solo parent and a lone entrepreneur, there was one thing that was missing. 

That one thing is YOU!

Like every widow whose life has been torn to pieces, feeling the foundation crumble below you and being left confused at what you believe in anymore.....I just wanted to become somewhat 

normal again. 

To me, I was the wrong person to launch a dream like this. I didn't have the time, money, know how or even desire at first. I was just trying to make sound decisions, keep all my glass balls in the air and hoping for the best. But other widows would find me and ask to have coffee, lunch, dinner, phone call and I kept saying yes. 

I guess I should of suspected as much after sitting on Oprah's sofa.

But that's not why I did this. 

I did this because it found me.  When someone would call me (or more than likely handed off from someone who didn't know what to do with their widowed friend) I'd sit and encourage them by consciously showing up, caring to listen and remember along with them. I used the only thing I really have....myself. It really is that simple. Like Rick Warren says 'When people are in deep pain and need a friend - show up and shut up!'

'Normal' in the dictionary means to be in accordance to a norm, a standard or regular pattern. As you know, being widowed is far from that. It's actually the direct opposite, the synonym to normal. One of the synonyms I discovered was the word 'unnatural'. 

Now there is a word I can relate to! Being widowed feels unnatural doesn't it?  It's a variance with what feels normal or what I expected my life to be. It feels like a violation of natural law. 

But what is very natural is to love. To care and love another is what brought me to you. I've known a broken heart, I've known fear, I've known loss and I've known helplessness. But I'm here to tell you, you will again know love. You will again see love in action all around you. It will be in very simple things or enormous moments of grace. 

Half the battle is tuning your eyes to see what is natural to you in this unnatural experience. To allow this natural desire to love something and be loved back to come to you in a new form other than the person you lost and loved. 

Love is big people. 

Someone needs you. 

Watch this video and hear as I share this on Growing Bolder TV. 

After I filmed this video, I soon started to have dreams about 

Modern Widows Club. 

A place where I am loved and I could love other widows. 

It was really this simple. 

Now, we have an online magazine, 4 National Chapters and 1 International Chapter. We are growing and it's because widows are speaking up, reaching out, doing something and reaching back.

 It's a beautiful thing. 

Will you join us? I hope so. 

Together we can live James 1:27 and bring joy and compassion to widows by simply caring 

and being kind. 

On June 23, we will celebrate 2013 International Widow's Day along with UN Women and The Noomba Foundation. We would love for everyone to mark it on their calendars to 'Social Media' our magazine to the world. Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, Blogs, Tumblr, Waywire, Magazines, Groups, Social Circles, Companies, Grief Organizations, Pinterest and beyond. 

~ You can help by being our very own PR and Marketing Team ~ 

Even if only one widow finds us and is filled with hope, it's well worth it ~ Don't you think?  

With heartfelt love, 

Carolyn Moor

MWC Founder 

Subscribe here today and find your place.

Come on over to my home (Every 3rd Thursday)

 Orlando, FL June 20

or

Meet me:

 Tallahassee, FL June 10-11

Phoenix, AZ July 3-5

Sedona, AZ July 5-8

Estes Park, CO July 17

Denver, CO July 18-19

Seattle, WA July 20-22

Las Vegas, NV July 22-24

Write: info@modernwidowsclub.com

What Death has Taught Me about Living

How can death teach about living when while I'm living all I do is completely avoid death. 

But it's true. 

Death has taught me everything about living and I'm sure its taught you a lot too!

I'm going to shock you here and even say 'I'm grateful for death'. Grateful that my broken open heart brought golden lessons with a silver lining.

Last week, I turned a half a century, that's right, the big 50! My days leading up to that point felt very introspective and I decided to share what I've joyfully & painstakingly learned in the last 13 yrs about how death has completely given me a new perspective on living!

My Living Lessons:

~ After death has visited your door, the world changes from dark, gray, muted tones. Slowly shades of color start to seep in without you knowing and ending up hopefully, living technicolor. You will notice this happening in your clothes and interior spaces. So watch for it. Open the shades, let the yellow sunshine in and wear hot pink. Just own it and refuse to be dulled by death. 

~ Being mediocre isn't acceptable anymore, so I'll continue to strive for extraordinary. 

~ I accept that I'm human-- through and through, mistakes became opportunities, became experiences, became wisdom. Make decisions even if you feel they may be a mistake, it will lead you somewhere wise. 

~ I like my life to be driven by love not fear. I'm the one who knows which is which. No need to talk to a therapist, girlfriend, coach or rabbi. Get quiet and accept the truth. Fear is felt differently in your body than love. Don't tell me you can't tell the difference! Don't worry about what you will have to do after truth comes, truth has a way of guiding you to good places. 

~ Guess what? Tomorrow everything changes. Smile.

~ My capacity for love has grown exponentially the moment I lost what I thought love was. Death taught me that love is much bigger, much deeper, much wider than I ever knew for myself & others. Especially others. As my love grew for others, so did my love for myself. Then respect, forgiveness, failure, risk, fulfillment & dreams came after that. Funny how that happens.  

~ I've pulled many thorns out of my heart and given them time to heal. It feels good to know who I am.. good and bad. I have to accept it all. 

~ My hair may turn grey, my face wrinkled and my body soften-- I'm ok with this as long as the sparkle in my eyes remain. 

~ Everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything everything is a lesson.

~ I've come to peace with the pain I've experienced in life. It taught me to have courage and challenge what is not familiar. It taught me to let go of always wanting safety, comfort or control in every situation. They say every 7 yrs you grow a completely new person from cellular turn over. I'm almost two people separated from when death found me. I'm literally NOT that person!

~ God already knows, let him do his job. Move out of the way.

~ I think my heart is getting younger while my body gets older.

~ I feel moor free and liberated today than I've ever felt. I've paid the price for it.

~ I'm happy that I am happy every day I wake up. I have a choice to be happy the rest of the day. 

~ When you die, you will have a looooong to-do-list somewhere that you WILL NOT finish! I know, I found Chad's after he died. It left an impression on me in many, many ways. 

~ Death hasn't taken anything from me, in contrast, death is constantly giving me life. I appreciate life now more than EVER! I know, no one is promised tomorrow. No one. 

~ My most favorite words 'I will and I can'. Try them sometime. They are worth sharing. 

~ Right timing is everything. Timing everything is not right. Everything will work out in its own right time. Right!

~ I have a greater desire for pure simple pleasures in life. I don't just desire them, I need them. The way the sea washes up on the shore, a feathers luminosity, how an animal moves, busy busy ant hills, the sound of kitty purring, soft fabric on my face, chimes in the wind, water on my face and the smell of fresh nectarines. My senses want more from life. All of precious life. 

~ I must give the world what is uniquely ME. Others will not recognize it at first, it will be a brand new something that is needed in the world. So if its weird, misunderstood, strange, controversial, puzzling, challenging, impossible....then you might be on to something, keep going!

        

 What are your life lessons, are you keeping track of what death has taught you about living? I hope you enjoyed these. Just a few words of wisdom from a girl full of dreams for her next half a century! 

Love to you infinitely,

Carolyn Moor

Founder MWC

Duties, Dreams and Yoga

         "Life sure can be a mix of duties, dreams & yoga"

Yesterday, my day started like most days- at 6am. Coffee, breakfast and making school lunches for both my high school daughters who are gone half the day. 

Then, I began working. Just to catch you up- last week, for some reason my calendar would not sync between my iPhone & Laptop any longer. This alone is a nightmare since I completely rely on having this information for calls, interior design appts, MWC meetings and carpool pick ups.

So, the nice folks at the Apple store said the first thing in order was adding more memory- $57. 
OK. 

Then, updating software on my Apple laptop to the most current operating system- Mountain Lion $20. 
OK. 

At the store, they made it sound simple and I had faith in my 5 yr old MacbookPro, we've been through so much together. It took longer than I thought. Overnight.

For those of you who have done this, you know its like learning a whole new computer in a way. I've been down this road but this time, my email wouldn't accept any of the incoming or outgoing information. I spent an hour and 3 ppl at AT&T, then another 2 hrs at the Apple store which ending in them suggesting I change my email servers from a POP format to a IMAP format since all new technology is headed that way. 

Then came confusion: iCloud, user names, passwords, SSL, ports, connectivity, incoming, outgoing, preferences, resets, enabling.

6 hrs later, I still couldn't get my email and every google search produced zero solutions. The Apple store was baffled, I was frustrated. I finally created a gmail account and had my main 13 yr old email (which most of everything I do is connected to) forwarded via gmail. Long story short, to change this one old email will probably result in 2-3 full days of work making sure everything I do is functioning properly.

I know I've missed some of your emails and I'm sorry. I work very fast & hard each day from 6am-11pm most days, Friday is my toughest & tiring day. But this week, Thursday was!!

It's not just the frustration of technology, it's also the deeper fact that my former boyfriend used to help me with these things but I couldn't call on him, that didn't feel right. I needed food in my frig, I missed sending my nieces birthday card, my extensive to-do-list didn't have any boxes checked off as done, clients were calling and I missed an appointment. On top of that, I promised to do something just to nurture me everyday and lately that has meant Bikram Yoga at 4pm, before I make dinner for my family gets home. 

I was still at the Apple store figuring this out at 3pm and stood up and said 'I have to go'. I needed to be nurtured, like I promised. Had I not given up enough of myself to this world today? 

So, I drove in heavy traffic across town, screeching in my driveway to throw on some yoga pants & fill my water bottle. I hit every red light......ugh. 

But I made it with 5 seconds to spare. I went from 100 miles an hour to a heated yoga room. 

I don't know if you've ever taken Bikram Yoga before, but it's the 105 degree HOT yoga. You sweat....a lot. Kinda gross at first, but refreshing in so many ways afterwards. You focus on ONE thing...YOU. Mind, body + spirit! The poses are the challenge, each individual attempts the best their body can hold the pose with mental fortitude and spiritual depth. There is no judgement and every body type striving for balance. I love it. 

The class is 90 minutes long and around 73 minutes I get a natural high and tingling in the top of my head, like the stress of the world has been lifted. 

Well, yesterday, I had a powerful urge to start crying at 73 minutes. I've never felt that. But I resisted and kept focusing on connecting inward and the promise I made to myself to do something just for me. I felt like today I had to FIGHT for that!! I mean, who else will, if I don't....right? 

I continued. Determined. 

At the end of class, you lay quiet for 2 minutes + with the lights lowered and allow your heart rate to return to normal. I almost always pray and thank God for all he gives to me, including the peace I feel in the moment. Drenched in sweat, pouring down every angle of my body....the tears came flowing out. I had let go and let God again. 

I mean, crying in public! No one could see and if they could, they would have thought it was sweat anyway ...I laughed a little at how bizarre this whole day had become. How life presents struggles and how I choose to face them, how sometimes you have to say 'enough' and do what it takes to mean it, how keeping promises to myself may mean that I push myself beyond my own abilities not knowing if I will succeed. 

Life is such a balance, but knowing how to create boundaries and when to say 'yes' and 'no' are two lessons that I believe get you there. It's one of the hard ones, but so necessary in this journey. Having helpful mentors like One Fit Widow/ Michelle Steinke, Second Firsts/Christina Rasmussen and Soul Coaching/ Michele Lessirard in my life has taught me this in my 13 yrs of being widowed. 

I have learned peace + balance doesn't come from anything external, material....ANYTHING! It's all an internal knowing, divine connection to our greatest purpose given to us by God at birth and that is to do what the soul is urging you to BECOME for the worlds sake. You have something to unique to offer that no one else can! Will you do what it takes to find out what that is? Will you keep looking for it?

For me, creating MWC is part of his plan for me and I resisted it a long time, until last year. We know each other because I finally said yes. There is so much out there to distract us until we answer our calling. 

I laid there 5 minutes with tears coming down. It felt good. I realized that the main reason why I was frustrated was I didn't want to disappoint anyone....myself, my clients, my friends & family and especially from Modern Widows Club! I love you all!! Not responding or missing an email I felt was unacceptable...it made me realize once again just how human I am. And how much we all need each other as mentors/ mentees and the last thing we all want is to feel forgotten. 

So, today with fresh eyes, please forgive me if I dropped the ball in anyway. I will get back to a place where all electronics are fully functioning here and balance will be restored. All your well wishes & prayers stated on Facebook worked! 

Picking myself up by the boot straps and moving forward!
Carolyn Moor
MWC Founder & Friend

Where's the Love?

A few years ago, I decorated my entire house with blue lights.
Not my normal style of decorating! Subconsciously, I wanted a dramatic life shift because frankly, I didn't feel like plain old white lights or colored lights...I felt blue!! 

It only lasted one year. I realized what I was saying to the world 'leave me alone to be with my pain'. I have to admit, it was a very sad, lonely Christmas that year. I was just being honest everyone.

I even had a few friends ask if I was Jewish...as if the color blue was reserved for such. Honestly, I took that as a great compliment. 

Raised a Christian, yet having found new, wonderful Jewish friends along this journey, I realize now that there is so much beauty in blue for the holidays, especially for Hanukkah, a beautiful sacred celebration time to dedicate ourselves to believing in miracles. 

I've learned that blue can have a multitude of emotions. I choose to see the true blue belief in the lighting of hopeful candles to light my way. I see so much hope being near my Jewish friends as they spend 8 days out of the year at sundown lighting each candle in the nine branched candle holder called the menorah. 

The ninth candle is the one that lights all the others. It's significance is as the 'helper'. As the candles are lit each evening at sundown, blessings and hymns are recited and sung to commemorate miracles. Although I do not understand Hebrew or many parts of the Torah, I can sense the significance in this time of honor for the Jewish culture and the world. 

For Christians like myself, our miracle is in the birth of Our savior Jesus Christ, a miracle of the supernatural. A Way in a Manger that has lit the path for centuries since ancient Bethlehem. 

The parallels of miracles and light have always fascinated me about our opposing theological beliefs. I feel equally loved by both sector of friendships and I believe their hearts are genuinely reciprocal. 

As I sit here today, I have to believe that this 'peace on earth' that I experience seeing holiday lights, candles, traditions and celebrations has to mean something deeper and more relevant in our lives in order to connect to the GREAT LOVE that exists all around us daily, yet especially during this time of year.

We must return to love in this world and we must accept it. By doing so, we are saying "I am worthy of a miracle, a blessing to happen in my life".

Keep the hope alive. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa and Season's Greetings. 

Many blessings to you,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club 

What does it mean to be a MODERN widow?

As Founder of the fairly new Modern Widows Club, I get emails occasionally asking if someone is 'modern' enough to be included in our group?  The short answer is 'yes'... of course.

Modern is a state of mind, is ageless and for those who are living in the present moment.  

We have ladies (and few men) on our Facebook page and at Social Hours from 22- 80+. We all learn from each other every time we open up and share ourselves. It has become a beautiful thing. 

I guess I created this because I wanted a 'widows' site that wasn't temporary short term support, I wanted and needed true mentorship and advocacy. I wanted to move forward, but I couldn't do that without reaching back too. I hope our club encourages many others to know each of us better in this modern world of living life after loss.  

One thing is certain, this journey is full of experiences we can all share and relate to- don't keep it all to yourself. Whether you are newly widowed, single, remarried, struggling or succeeding, we all have one common reason to know each other, but one even bigger reason to stay together. 

Together, we can bring more understanding, compassion and relevance to our world. It's time we see ourselves as formidable individuals who are true warriors in every way. We are blessed to be thoughtfully honest and caring, having faced death head on, brushing ourselves off, slowly standing up again and keep going everyday. 

You matter at Modern Widows Club. James 1:27 may be an ancient scripture about caring for the widows & orphans in the world, but today we want you to know those words guide and challenge us daily. We make decisions and push the envelope in ways only God knows where our paths are headed in this modern world we share. 

Sincerely with love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder MWC

Thankful for What We Do Have

Seven years ago around this time, I was homeless with two small children. Why? Because Florida had 3 major hurricanes hit within a few months and although, my home did not suffer any damage, I was about to deal with another kind of catastrophe that would take State Farm insurance adjusters over 2 weeks to respond and give me funding and instructions on where to go next after my....

.... accidental house fire.

Few people know about this in my life. I do not write about it in my book 'Living with Something Moor' and unless you were my neighbor at the time or a family member, you probably never heard me talk about it.

Started by a candle off my Master Bedroom when a friend unknowingly set an  inflamed votive near my outdoor porch draperies and a plant with some dry brush. Somehow, it caught on fire while I was downstairs and lit up the east side of my home very quickly. Fortunately, my neighbor saw it from her window as it spread onto my roof and she ran over immediately to help me evacuate my two sleeping children and take them to her house as to spare them the harsh reality about to transpire.

I returned trying to put out the fire myself with no success until the firemen arrived and insisted I leave my home immediately. Leave my valuables, computer, photos. It's hard to explain the devastation of a house fire. The senses are what I remember the most. The smell on everything. The suet smeared felt everywhere. The charred pieces of twisted iron, shattered glass and black water dripping from the ceiling. The silence of any kind of life existence. The voice in my head wondering where I will go now because Thanksgiving was coming.

I needed clothes, underwear, food...I was scared and weight of the world was felt on my shoulders.

My dear neighbor who saved us, a woman I dearly love, invited us to stay in her studio apartment about her garage. A very small space with a full sized bed and guest kitchen ironically looked out onto my burned house across the way. What a new, awful perspective.

My daughters clothes were saved. I washed them and preceded to go about life and take them to school as if it were another normal day. Truth be told, they saw this as an adventure and honestly, my attitude and approach with them was this- 'you keep doing what you do and be kids' and 'I will take care of all this mess as the leader of our family'. No worries. But I was plenty concerned as I laid on that bed unable to move with the tears falling down my face at what to do first. It was paralyzing.

I was struggling once again. Was it not enough to loose my husband 5 years prior? Looking back, that one year of renovating my home, maintaining my business, caring for my daughters solo and simply surviving again gave me a new appreciation for what I do have.

This catastrophe gave my dear friends the opportunity to do kind things for us. I learned to let them do it. My ego was demolished, just like my home. I lost many 'things' and realized those 'things' can be rented and borrowed. As an interior designer, I rented a whole home of furniture in our new rental home around the corner. I found myself making it ok.

The long hours of burning my 'personal candle' at both ends went towards an existence between two homes: one we lived in temporarily and one I owned that we'd move back into once I renovated. It was the worst year of my life! This dream home I loved was designed by both my late husband, an interior architect, and myself, an interior designer like I said. So this renovation was a very new start in many ways for me. I re-designed it the way I wanted, for Carolyn and not the way 'we' were in that house as a couple.

I think you will find it interesting to know that the ONLY area of my home that was damaged comprised of the Master Suite, porch, closet and bathroom I used to share happily with Chad... The area I could not bear sleeping in again after he died. Since then, I had occupied the Guest Bedroom and was quite content being across the hall from my young sleeping daughters. So, I often wonder, why did all this burn away? I believe God was at work here. In many ways, I was forced to move forward and to see what my future would hold.

One year later, a week before Thanksgiving, I moved back into my newly renovated home that was truly all mine. A home I felt was mine to do whatever I wanted from this point forward. I had earned that right fair and square. No one could say I had what I had because of my late husband.....I felt empowered that I was capable and I felt I could accomplish anything!! All my hard work inside and out was paying off. I will always remember this Thanksgiving of GREAT joy and gratitude. I was home once again.

I had let go and let God in this process. I knew without a shadow of doubt what it felt like to live by faith every second of the day. And you know what happened after that? TLC called and I began filming 'Shalom in the Home' right after the last driveway paver was put into place.

A few months after that, I sat next to Oprah on her stage in Chicago and the rest is history. I promised her to always be an inspiration to my girls first and foremost. Today, I'm thankful for what I do have. My daughters, my home, family, friends, Modern Widows Club, CLOVE, neighbors, New Hope for Kids, clients and most of all for God never never letting me go and always fulfilling James 1:27 where I am told that He will provide for the widows and their children. I have personally experienced this. It is beautiful.

So, today when I drive down to Servants Heart Center to pick up 12 Thanksgiving Turkey Baskets and give to my Modern Widows Club ladies, please know, I am very grateful for what I do have and today I am celebrating those who have lost so much. May God bless you and yours this Thanksgiving Day. If I have inspired you to be kind to ONE widow today, I have done my job here. Please find time to be kind to a widow today :)

Much love & hope for the widows in the world,
Carolyn Moor

P.S. One month after Thanksgiving, a tree fell on my house:) After that, I decided it was time to move onto another home and see what the future held for us. Best decision ever!
To be continued......

Live Your Legacy

"Yesterday I was honored to stand in front of a large group of 'Live Your Legacy Summit' attendees to accept the TOP award 'For supporting widows and designing your legacy through your hardship' and be the face of 1 million widows in this country, as well as, over 250 million widows worldwide. I certainly couldn't STAND up there alone and not bring YOU with me." 

The award was for the Orlando 2012 Live Your Legacy Summit hosted by Aurea McGarry, an Emmy Award winning outstanding TV Host whose goal is to uplift anyone who has found their life's passion and making a difference in the lives of others. 

Since Modern Widows Club is fairly new with its humble seeds planted in January 2012, I was very honored to be recognized by a panel of varied individuals (including children) who didn't know me personally but voted based on merit & facts. 

The whole day was a tribute to all inspiring topics. I heard encouragement like this:

- Find Your Truth (Kellie Lightbourne)
- Be Crazy Committed & Doggedly Determined (Coach Jenn Lee)
- L- Let Go & Let God (Woamtec President, Kathleen Hawkins)
  E- Empower Others
  G- Give, Before you Take
  A- Action & Accountability
  C- Cash Flow for You & Others
  Y- You, Take care of You
- Be a 10 Fold Marketer- Think of the good for others first (Marianne Carlson)
- Take care of the vehicle that will take you there- your Body! (Teresa Tapp)
- Never stop believing in yourself (Forbes Riley)

The Legacy Award caught me by surprise as I sat around friends who had come to cheer me on! Why? Because rarely do organizations who support widows get such recognition. Maybe the winds are changing and maybe all the hard work, weekends & nights are paying off. But honestly, if I inspired just ONE person to do something KIND for another widow in this world, I have done my job!!

Amen.

We have much to do together to bring justice, empowerment to the mentors we are becoming and the realistic 'hand up vs. hand down' support for widows worldwide. 
Move forward while reaching back is our motto. I'm honored and will continue to speak up for all of us!

Please share Modern Widows Club with anyone you know, our Facebook page is VERY active (and free). We are continuing to create & raise donations for our online magazine in production by B&C Designers in St. Louis. We will launch this as soon as 7K more is raised. I'm so grateful for the 3K donated so far which has kept the ball rolling with legal trademarking, non-profit filing, designing the wireframe & development costs. 

Here is a sneak peek ----->

Upcoming for MWC:

November 2-4- Chattanooga, TN

Visit Widows Harvest Ministries 

I want to know more about this successful widows movement.

November 10- Boston, MA

Speaking at 'Loss to Launch' with Second Firsts Christina Rasmussen, Kris Carlson of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and TEDx Coach KC Baker

November 15- Orlando, FL

MWC: Social Hour

Book Signing 'Finding Joy After Loss' with Author and Long standing MWC'er Vashon Sarkisian. We will also discuss sending 1.5 million Lego's to Nairobi, Kenya for a widows orphanage Hope for Orphans Rescue.

November 17- Orlando, FL

Thanksgiving Dinner Baskets distributed 

to all local MWC ladies & their children by Servant's Heart Center. 

Want on the list? Write me at carolyn@modernwidowsclub.com

Love to all of you, thank you for your continual love & support. May God bless you abundantly,

Carolyn Moor

Founder Modern Widows Club

Crack of Dawn

I often wonder about other peoples lives. 

Mostly when I've been awakened at 6am by an iphone alarm tone to make two lunches, drink a cleansing green protein shake with vitamins for breakfast and stumbling to find my flip flops as I run out the door at 6:45am with my teen daughters headed to drop them off at two different locations 5 miles apart. 

I'm the first person out of their driveway in the dark. I see the lights on in homes where I know their life is a bit easier, the overall workload of life is more equally distributed and there is more help in general to sustain, manage and support. 

I keep driving, talking with my daughters in the short one hour I have with them in the morning. I won't see them again for 12 hrs with a busy school life and both involved in rowing after school. They are usually very hungry and by 6:45pm, I will return to this role as provider. But until then, my life speeds up. 

The crack of dawn has passed and now, I am faced with choices. I can focus on fitness, a long house to-do list, my Modern Widows Club world, design job #1, design job #2, bills, teachers homework calendar for my daughters, mail, laundry, cleaning out my car, relax, read, organize, write or go back to bed. 

This morning, I choose to write down the blog post that I just rehearsed in my head as I drove home thinking about some future Dunkin Donuts Hazelnut coffee and my life.....as a widow. A single mom raising two girls since they were 2 and 4 years old. It's been a long, winding road full of celebrations, tears, triumphs, failures,  blessings and amazing surprises. 

I could write a pretty story here but the truth is, this life is difficult and riddled with challenges at every turn. Every day I awaken and know I'm behind before I even start. No one needs to tell me or talk me out of this. No fancy inspirational quote on Facebook is going to convince me any differently. I know the heartache of loosing a beloved spouse and then two weeks later everyone you know leaves and I'm on my own for the next 12 years to raise & financially support my daughters. It takes hard work, determination and looking in the right places for answers. 

We are brought up to believe that God, family, neighbors or government will be there for us, but from my experience God is the only one you can truly depend on. For us, family comes around occasionally for holidays, most often wanting us to travel to them, but there is a difference in expecting someone to be there after tragedy and knowing no one will be.

I greatly admire families who help each other in ways that are so beautiful it causes me to cry in seclusion from wanting this sometimes. But, in reality, I knew my family wouldn't be there for me, so I haven't used any energy trying to make them be something they aren't. I accepted the way it was, and spent my limited energy towards solutions and a life worth living for us. I became the leader we needed by living a no excuse life. 

Boldly and bravely, many times making decisions with my gut and vulnerable to the unknown. 

I created a family that has been there every step of the way with Modern Widows Club, my women's group C-LOVE, my church, lots of people I love who care for us deeply. It has nurtured me and I continue to fight the good fight because I know the sweetness of the rewards. 

In a days time, I exercise, cook, work, drive, manage, organize, create, garden, solve, talk, negotiate, produce, think, grow, try, pray, resolve, clean, dream, contemplate, discover, cry, breathe, love, mentor, remember, coordinate, inspire, wonder.....the list goes on. I go for 16 hrs long....every day.... dividing my time between all things that I manage and some that manage me. 

I don't lunch with ladies, play tennis, ride horses, play golf or do anything where time is of essence. Leisure means 'getting behind' for me. I catch it in between stop lights checking emails or texting a friend or 10 minutes sitting on my front porch before the girls get home at night. I take it whenever I can believe me!

I did that this weekend for my daughters birthday and now our cupboards are bare for lunches, I haven't made it to the gym, the laundry is piled up and I'm behind at work. 

When you wake up behind every day, taking time off means your return to reality is a very tough trek up 'responsibility mountain'. So, I try to stay on course with what I know works. Exercise & supplements for stamina, creativity & work for vigorous income and crack of dawn driving with my daughters & nighttime dinner then homework for love. 

I pray I can keep my small dwindling savings and college funds, my home, my vehicle, my insurance policies and food on our table. I don't take any of this for granted because I know it only takes a moment for life to change like you knew it before.  

I know no one is coming to rescue me...that person is ME! (I have a lot of faith in me and I know God keeps me close in his hands). I've been witness to the fact there is a big difference in talking about faith and living solely by faith. If you want to know what 'that' is really like, follow me around for a day starting at the crack of dawn.  

I'll keep on dreaming between all these realities and it is enough for today. 

Semper Fi = Always Faithful.

Sincerly,

Carolyn Moor

Letter to 'Little' Carolyn

A few years ago, my mentor & life coach asked me to write a letter to myself as a child. What would I say to 'her' after almost 50 yrs of experience. It was an interesting exercise that left me ignited with positivity. I'd recommend this very personal exercise to anyone. 

I'm being vulnerable and very open with sharing this, so please bear with me. Soon, Modern Widows Club online magazine will launch and we will welcome you sharing your stories & letters to your 'inner child'. 

Sincerely,

Carolyn Moor

MWC Founder/ Editor

Dear ‘Little’ Carolyn,                                                              July 2008

You are special. You are going to experience an abundant life and you are going to be strong and courageous.

Those dreams in your head are ‘seeds’ for your future- hold onto them until you see them come true! Don’t give up because you my dear have the determination like no other to actually see it through. YOUR ideas will bring others alive—they will see your enthusiasm and follow your lead. You have the ability to help others see their own dreams.

Be patient with yourself, be kinder to people- especially your family. You will learn a great deal about yourself from your family experiences and that knowledge will benefit you when you have your own family someday.

Life isn’t always going to seem like it makes sense- but, to God it does.

If you keep remembering that God is the father you look to for everything, you will no doubt be a grateful person for everything in your life. Humanely fathers are meant to protect, support you, but will fail you in some way.

Humans are not perfect, and that is why we have forgiveness. There will be lots of forgiveness.

Being humble is also a hard one- especially for you little miss independent! No one will teach you how to do this and your own nature will prevent you from seeing the value & necessity of this—but you will learn it as life goes on. Unfortunately, the hard way! All a part of God’s plan….so, again, have patience.

The good news is your suffering will end with you. And your children will benefit from all of your experiences and will definitely flourish in life. Rest assured.

You know innately how to make good choices for yourself- listen to that inner voice and trust that God will bring into your life everything you’ve ever imagined and hoped.

You will always be safe and protected, so be sure to be grateful for each day, each person and each breathe.

There is so much to do with a LIFE and so much for you to become. Be happy when you find it and during the process—especially the PROCESS…. because that’s a beautiful part that should not be overlooked.

Plant flowers, smile, share yourself, cry if you feel it, have those difficult talks, surprise yourself, do something strange, swim naked, lay in the grass, feel the sun on your face, pet a kitten and make it purr, watch a mommy bird bring worms to her chicks, eat fresh foods, smell the roses, jasmine & daffodils, surround yourself in orange, mentor a young girl, be open minded to knowledge, read God’s Words, listen when someone is talking to you, make others feel understood, admit when you are really wrong, take time to really care and act on that caring, share- share- share what God gives you, read, learn new words everyday, create a peaceful bedroom, know you are loved more than you could ever imagine, find something you love to do and get paid for it, tell others close to you about your fears and then let them go, journal, take your arms and wrap them around yourself (yes, give hugs to yourself daily), feel the peace within.

Love,

Carolyn Caple Moor (the ‘older’ Carolyn)