Friday, January 20, 2012

Lessons learned @ MWC Social Hour

Last evening was our 3rd monthly MWC: Social Hour in Orlando, FL. Yes, we are a fairly new group that packs a punch and blows the lid off of what life is really like for a modern widow. I closed the door to my home about 12:45am after opening it at 6:00pm. That's just how we do it. 

I was tired, but invigorated and hoped I'd remember half of what nurtured me last night so I could share with you today. Widows as recent as 6 months, 4 yrs, 5 yrs, 10 yrs, 12 yrs and 25 yrs were in the house. We are for every woman at every stage. 

So, here goes. 

Widows deserve surprise gifts, hugs and to know someone out there is thinking of them. 

Widows are gracious hosts because its wonderful to be 'giving back' after needing to be 'given to' for so long. 

No matter how much time and space has occurred since death entered our life, it only takes one reminder, one trigger to take you back there in a milli-second to remind us that life will never be the same. It can become bitter or better, you will have to choose for yourself. 

All of us are struggling with something: relationships, money, jobs, finding purpose. We are on a parallel path with others who truly understand. Finding others is important to being understood when you feel like an alien. 

We kinda know you are tired of hearing about our late husbands, but we are healing while we are talking. We are finding our way in a strange new world. Just find a way to sit and listen to us without dismissing how valuable your silence and receiving is to us. 

Always wear your invisible crown, but of course, when there are REAL crowns around, always wear THOSE! 

Life is full of surprises.

Sometimes a brave new idea will resonate with others deeply in ways only God can comprehend. Our job is to be the hands & feet and make His love a daily offering from your heart. 

Ask and you shall receive. We don't ask for enough of what we deserve. We don't share how we really feel- like how we hate writing thank you notes for favors that friends do constantly for us. Why? Because it makes us relive that memory of WHY we need so much help. As twisted as that sounds, its how we feel sometimes. 

A good laugh is the best medicine. A question was asked "Will there ever be more to do in life than 'pulling the covers' over our heads" Widow response: "I can think of a lot of other good things to do under the covers!" (INSERT HUGE LAUGH)
We all agree that we want 'partnering' again. Marriage? Maybe. That's up to the individual, but we all want someone to want to be with us. To look forward to seeing us, smiling with us, touching each other. We all want what everyone wants. 

We've all lost friends. We've all rejoined with those friends at weddings and funerals. These experiences anchor us to what matters in life. It's important to honor those connections and again feel the simple pleasures of a conversation, warming toes by a fire and planning a "People I Love Party". 

For those of you who were not around the fire last night, a 'People I Love Party' is a party where you invite all those people who you love, all those people who attended your wedding and funeral. But now,  you celebrate this life and love you do have today. Why must we have a life altering event to celebrate a life?

I had this party in 2005. Over 100 of my friends attended, I don't have photos to post to show you, but I'm sure every person who attended remembers. I created nametags that said 'Carolyn loves me because____________________________". So as you approached a stranger, you had a bit of information to learn and share. It was pretty awesome!

You see, life as a widow gives you permission to do life differently. You can have a party like no one else, you can create a group of widows and call it modern. You can do anything.....anything. Just do it. In the 'doing' you will find your next step, next clue to go another day and so on. 

Also, once a widow, always a widow, so reach back. As we learned last night from Anne- a 25 yr widow veteran who attended because  "even after all these years", she hoped to find a group like the Modern Widows Club
We are honored to be that for her. I am honored to have such extraordinary new friends. So let's spread the word. 'If it is to be, it is up to me.' 

So grateful for every lady who attending, shared their heart and experiences last evening. 

Looking really forward to teaching you this Saturday, Jan. 21st for our 'Goodbye Shadow + Hello Life' Workshop and 'Surviving to Thriving' Workshop. A few seats are still calling your name. 

Next month, mark your calenders!!!!!
MWC: Social Hour  Feb. 16  to prove 'There is life after love, even when you loose love on Valentine's Day!' I will be sharing tidbits of video from my TLC episode on 'Shalom in the Home' as I discussed Valentine's Day thru the lens of a modern widow. 

It's gonna be good, so keep up here and on Facebook!
Carolyn Moor

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