Goodbye Shadow + Hello Life/ Coming March 17, 2012

  

3 Hour Workshop

Why take this workshop? Because you benefit from 12 yrs of REAL widow experience and wisdom in Carolyn Moor. There is a reason Oprah asked to interview her in front of millions of viewers and asked how she's made it through. Let's cut to the chase.

In meeting Carolyn (or her daughters), you cannot tell she has suffered any kind of trauma but oh, she has tremendously. This is the mark of the extraordinary woman mentoring you. Take a big step towards feeling alive again. Not life as it was before (as good as it was), but what it CAN be now!

You may not feel like 'yourself' or 'all here', you might not be able to remember well, you may or may not care what others think, you might feel like life isn't worth living, but the truth is, that's your shadow talking, not YOU.

Your life has new signifigance now and although, this loss journey may be new to you....MANY have come before you and are thriving. Come learn from one, Carolyn Moor.

You are not alone, come join others who are in this with you. We will create 3 'take aways' uniquely related to finding your joy, peace and meaning in all this pain. You'll hear stories, maybe share your own. Life will take on a new motivation and understanding after this workshop. You will surprise yourself.  

If you have read this far and feel anxiety about signing up, please, I encourage you to MAKE the time to do this for yourself. It's hard to believe 3 hrs can make a difference, but it can by simply 'changing your mind' to do so. 

Carolyn developed a 'sticky note vision' exercise that catches you pleasantly by surprise. 

Just ask anyone who has taken this workshop. You walk away with new perspectives and a vision for your life. This is not a pity party, this is finding the 'better' instead of the 'bitter' and we will have fun. Believe it. 

Register/click here: Goodbye Shadow + Hello Life, March 17th (Yes, I know its St. Patty's Day- so wear green for 'growth)  for $45 you could be ONE of the 8 women to begin this process and be inspired. Held at New Hope for Kids in Maitland, FL


Please share, encourage your widowed friends to spend 3hrs with me. Sponsor her, drive her, do what it takes to love the in practical ways.

See you there,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Photos from past workshops--->

Everyone leaves with a smile :)

31 Tips for Extraordinary Widows

1- Start a gratitude journal and use daily

2-Exercise daily and drink a lot of water

3-Practice unselfish kindness

4-Expect the best, prepare for the worst

5- Write an affirmation on your mirror in lipstick

6-Say daily 'Abundance flows into my life in surprising and miraculous ways on a daily basis'

7-Plan your day

8-Always wear your invisible crown

9- Feel like a woman, not a widow

10-Wear your invisible crown

11-Get a mentor

12-Choose one day to not talk about your late husband

13-Have 5 close friends and see them often

14-Turn off the TV, walk outside and touch something in nature

15-Know your 5 top strengths (Strength Finders 2.0 by Tom Rath), then use them

16-Fall in love with simple pleasures

17-Travel more

18-Honor your loved ones

19-Make your life matter starting today

20-Focus on the ways you plan on leaving a legacy (write your obituary)

21-Never miss a moment to celebrate

22-Trust in the unknown

23-Give forgiveness often

24-Create memory boxes for every family member

25-Record a video for your children sharing your very detailed love story (have a tissue box near by)

26- Learn how to save, spend and donate your money

27-Be a heroine to another widow

28-Be authentic

29-Be honest about what really makes you happy and just do it

30- Write a hand written letter to someone you love explaining why

31- Watch the movie 'Avatar' and notice how strong tribe mothers are portrayed in cinema

What could have been.

As I sit here and write this post, I wonder where you are at this moment. I wonder how many months, or years it has been since you lost someone you love. In particularly this week, the death anniversary of my late husband, I find myself remembering all the things that 'could have been'. 

Father daughter dances. Graduation. Talks about boys. Walking down the aisle. Holding a grandchild for the first time. 

Many thoughts so painfully real that it leaves me unable to breathe. 

This Valentine's Day was my 12th year being a widow. I allow myself to fully feel the loss on this day- to remember what could have been. It hurts. Badly. There's so much I wanted but I will never have. 

After the tears, the photo box overload, the isolation, the writing letters and the intrepid trip down memory lane, I can bravely say I have come to a new place called 'what could be'. 

What could be is at the very essence of where Modern Widows Club was born. To me, I was a widow second and a woman first. I needed to get back to being a woman again. So, I decided to see if there were any other women like me, who thought like this. And you know what? I found them. You are probably one of them, maybe you know one. 

Let me share some of the 'what could be' thoughts I discovered at our MWC: Social Hour last night around the fire.

~It's ok to say 'I'm happy' and not feel guilty. It's ok to change your mind tomorrow. 

~MWC is a destination along your journey.

~Your sisters at MWC are fanning your inner flame that will become a glowing fire.

~We are unassuming heroines with blessed wounds that have shaped our character.

~When it feels like nothing is happening, something actually is happening, you just don't know it yet. 

~With dating again, the options are unlimited. Becoming at peace with the fact you may or may not have another partner in life just may save you from making a serious mistake. What is important to remember is you loved in this life and be thankful it happened to you.

~Plant a lot of seeds in your life. Some will grow fast, some won't.

~You are first, a woman, second, a widow. Become it. 

~At MWC, we show each other our authentic selves --even when we don't know who that is!

~Widows who focus on being a woman can be uplifting and inspiring to all women who fear widowhood in their future. We become the lighthouse of hope across all boundaries. 

~Sometimes bravely saying 'I'm grateful, but goodbye' to a situation that is not honoring to your life is the best solution. You're going to need a higher power and friends to reach out and make it through. 

The women of Modern Widows Club are wise, brave, relevant and vital to society. They are fragile and yet strong. They are different and it's a good thing. Men want to date them, but they don't even know it. Women look up to them, and they shy away from it. People whisper about widows, and now, we have something to whisper about! 

Become 'what could be'..... 

Breathe again. 

Hope again. 

Peace again. 

Happy again. 

Thrive again. 

Friend again. 

Grateful again.

Yes, we are different, we wear invisible crowns, thank goodness. 

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club- 

Talk to us on Facebook today! 

A Modern Widow. Does she look like you thought? 

7 Great Ideas for any Valentine's Day Widow

Let's face it...you have no idea what to get that woman, that widow in your life. Whether she is your sweetie, neighbor, friend or stranger, finding something kind, precious, useable and loving can be a challenge. To make it even easier, I'm going to list the most time consuming to the least time consuming so you can fit this into your life. Just do it. 

1- Smilebox Video 

'Turn Little Moments into Big Smiles" is their slogan. It may take several hours, loss of some hair and add a few wrinkles to create only 2 minutes of enjoyment , but it will last forever certain to make her smile!

If you have access to photos, you can create a fun, easy customized video to email or post on their FB as a surprise. Really easy to do. You can grab photos from Facebook or any collection. They have the fun stuff....music, layouts etc. Addicting. I create two every year for my daughters. This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it. 

To PLAY click here:

2- Kid Sitting!

Mama needs a break, do I need to say more? Do it for a few hours or a weekend so she can go on a girls trip. Heck, for that matter, present them with a ticket to fly off or cruise away. But, ensure her that their children will be FINE!! That's the golden ticket. This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it.

3- Lawn Service or Handyman Weekend! 

My first year being widowed, I had two men step up and become my official 'Lawn Guy' and 'Handyman' and to this day, I am sooooo grateful. (Shirt optional) This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it. 

4- Crowd Share- Introduce a new activity!

With Living Social, Groupon, DealMap, you can virtually introduce something new, for a reduced price and engage back into the big world out there like never before. Don't let your pocketbook or lack of knowledge stifle your creativity. 

DealMap is interesting because Google totally customizes it for where you work, live or hangout. They will send you deals near you. You'll be surprised how little you know about the town you live in...so many great businesses and activities. 

Example 1: Sports- My daughter is into CREW, but I really don't understand the sport. I bought a rowing lesson for me and my friend to try together. $40 bucks later, it was a great time together full of laughs, exercise, living and empowerment. 

Example 2: Design Consult- My friend's home was 'stuck in a moment', she needed a little design advice to bring some life and sunshine into her home. I recommended buying a $60 design consult deal on Living Social. So she gifted it to her friend. 

Example 3- Oil Changes- a MWC'er collects money to give out oil changes to other widows. 

Widows rarely spend money on themselves, find something like a massage or nail salon. Think about what she'd love to experience. This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it.

5- Eat out tonight on me! 

You can never go wrong with restaurant cards. Just make sure it's a restaurant you know she will like and really look forward to. Check out Restaurant.com for discounts to her favorite place so she can take the whole family and get a bigger bang for your buck. 

The brownie point here 'she doesn't have to cook or clean up'!!!

This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it. 

6- Think about mentoring her kids!

This is wide open- what are you good at? Teach that to her children. 

This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it. 

7- Honor the person they lost!

-Write them a letter sharing special memorable moments that only you can share. 

This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it.

-Become an organ donor.  

This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it.

-Support another widow in a third-world country with Kiva Loans. 

This gift is so valuable I can't put a price on it.

Any gift you can't put a price on will work.

Happy Valentine's Day. 

Feel free to share your own ideas and comments to this blog. 

Idea Lady,

Carolyn Moor

Founder of Modern Widows Club

Just Because....

This morning, driving my daughter to school my thoughts were on my awesome 'last night'.

About 5 yrs ago, I decided to start a women's group comprised of my closest 30 real friends who basically held me up when I couldn't go on after suddenly becoming a widow and single mom.

You know, its those friends who watch your kids, hire you, encourage you, hold you when you cry, mentor you, give it to you straight and can make you upset sometimes. But one thing is for sure, they add to your cup that flow-ith over!! I had a cup that was spilling over with gratitude and needed a way to 'give back'.

So, I created a group called C-LOVE (Carolyn Love), but we all just call it clove for short. We have speakers share, I share, they share and we all grow in phenomenal ways. The topics are as heartwarming as heartwrenching sometimes. I'm so honored to be in a room full of authentic women who parent, work, struggle, love, care, give and change the world with every thought. They engage me and lift me up. I've become the best woman I can with their constant support. Our logo says it all: Conscious, Luminous, Open hearted, Vital and Empowered.

Last night, I just stood in awe of them and found myself sharing a story about what I do for Valentine's Day and encouraged them to go and 'do something, just because'.

In my old neighborhood, stood a historic, beautiful home with an overgrown yard where a woman lived in seclusion. I could see that a car would leave and return, and since her driveway was on a busy street, rarely was there an opportunity to catch a glimpse of her. I would ask my neighbors if anyone had ever met the woman and received a 'no' every time-- few even knew her name but everyone knew she was widowed.

I wondered about the woman: her name, her story. So, I decided to do something 'just because'.

On Valentine's Day, the death anniversary of my late husband, we (my family) go into the world and do something to commemorate his 'spirit' and 'love' that was given to us. So, on that Valentine's Day, I went to the store and bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers and proceeded down the sidewalk to the 'mystery neighbors' house. I braved crossing the busy street and because her front yard was so overgrown, I went to the back door near her car.

I knocked and stood looking at the beautiful house designed by James Gamble Rogers II, a famous architect in Winter Park, FL. Then I heard footsteps and a door opened. I peered thru the locked screen door to a tall woman with gray hair and beautiful face. She smiled and said hello.

I smiled and said 'Hi, my name is Carolyn and I'm one of your neighbors. We've never met, but I heard you were a widow too. I'm also a widow and I just wanted you to know that I think of you'. You could see her soften and reach down to unlock the screen door, as it opened I saw the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. The face of surprise, shock was evident. I lifted my arm and extended the flowers out saying 'You are not alone. Happy Valentine's Day just because'.

Well, that's when an instant friendship was formed. She invited me in and gave me a tour of her beautiful house. She only lived in one small portion of it, it needs repair. There is no water in the swimming pool and the air was pungent with a slight mildew scent. It was a haven for her, a place where she lived with her late husband. She had a son, and he came over often. We swapped stories and then I told her how happy I was that I finally came over. I wondered why it took me so long.

We said goodbye.

The years have gone by, I went back to raising my children and watching her car in the driveway. I moved from that neighborhood and rarely get over there, but I have to say, this moment is one of the most memorable from living there for 10 yrs. Sometimes 'just because' leads you to the 'heaven' that is all around you if you are willing to go and do for others on a day when you feel like you 'need' the love. It's quite the opposite, when you give what you need, you get back 10 fold-- that's just how God works it.

I plan on taking flowers over to Joann this year, its been way too long!

With love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder/ Modern Widows Club

Little Miracles

This morning, I received a kind email from a North Carolina man who lost his wife 10 yrs ago. He saw me on PBS with Growing Bolder TV and said 'It was very emotional for me. I still feel lost and empty, but hearing what you had to say really touched me'. 

I'm so grateful he took the time to reach out and connect with me.

Today, I share with you a video, a message I filmed a year ago, from my living room with Growing Bolder...it's me just being honest and forthright. I'm not stuck in grief, I'm transformed by grief and today, I live my life like I have a choice. We all do. 

Little Miracles

If you knew how long you’d live — would you change what you do today? Tomorrow? In this episode, we speak with people who have challenged stereotypes, overcome major obstacles and proven that when you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything.

ENTER YOUR ZIPCODE AT THIS LINK AND YOU CAN SEE IF IT'S SHOWING ON YOUR LOCAL STATION.
NYC (2/7- 11:30pm), LA/ Beverly Hills (2/6- 10:30pm), Austin (2/12- 10:30a), Denver (2/12- 11pm), Orlando/ Villages (2/12 12p, 2/16 6p, 2/17 12:30a)

Dedicated to every person who has loved,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Moor Alive Interiors

http://tv.growingbolder.com/episodes/little-miracles/1332/

A heart for Valentine's Day

In love we talk a lot about hearts. 

~Hearts that beat fast

~Hearts that skip a beat

~Hearts that break

~Hearts that wait

If you were anything like me, you felt the heart beating inside the chest of the man you loved more than once in your relationship. My favorite thing to do was to snuggle in close and be surprised when you could hear the heart raising faster, all because you two were near each other. (Sigh)

We all know that saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' But we also know, permanent absence is not what they are talking about. Absence of a heartbeat means only one thing and we have experienced this crushing reality. It caused us to face how fragile hearts really are and brought our attention to caring for them.

In Holistic Healing, the heart chakra is vital to healing hurtful emotional life situations- grief, divorce, abandonment, abuse, adultery, rejection. Anything that connects us to love lost. Our hearts are wounded and we are like 'wounded children'. Like a child, they love unconditionally, they don't think about it, they sense it is what is good and give of it. 

I believe children do bring us back into emotional empowerment and allows us to trust and believe in the love that emanates from the center of our life force. Some heart strings will get cut too soon in life but we are the owners of thousands of strings that still exist and they become lifelines for us. 

When I found out that my husband's death certificate would say Feb. 14, 2000 on it, it was almost too much to bear thinking about living that out in the future. How could God allow this permanent reminder, it felt so cruel. After all, no one had loved a man greater than I did and more devastated than loosing that man on the most 'loving' holiday in this country. But He had a plan that I was unaware of, nor cared to know at the moment. 

Instead, I was being handed a piece of paper to check off boxes which listed organs in his body to donate. The very first box was the heart. 

My own heart sank and from somewhere came the strength to keep going. Check-lungs, check-kidneys, check-liver, check- cornia, check, check and check.......until every box was filled. 

Sometimes we do out of love what we don't understand, there's a place in your soul that calls out for you to do the right thing and you step up. Always listen to that quiet voice that comes when you feel you have lost everything. I did this and unselfishly gave the only loving action I had left to give.....donating my husbands body. 

I'm taking a moment to catch my breathe.

Months later, I became curious about another story out in the world- the story of a person who received Chad's heart on Valentine's Day? I imagined what an amazing blessing that had to be getting the call 'Happy Valentine's Day'. So I asked to find out and Translife told me I was not allowed. I persisted and wanted to write an anonymous letter if they would deliver it. They did. Then, I received a letter back with no name. 

This went on for 2 years.

Then, we were allowed to leave the privacy of Translife and do what we wanted. Guess what happened next?

I met the man who received Chad's heart. But more importantly I met the wife who thought she was going to loose her husband and on Feb. 14, 2000 fell down in tears of gratitude at the news that her husband would live. Then, I met their two children (same age as mine 4 & 6) and they didn't know what was going on!!! Lol. Neither did my children when they met.....they just became kids and started to play together. A beautiful distraction to an emotional reunion. A reminder to choose life.

Words really can't describe this moment. The newspaper covered it, it is an amazing story. For me, it shows the all powerful need to LOVE BIG and use our hearts until it hurts. It was God clearly giving grace and showing me more of His plan. Hurting can lead to great healing and so I open my heart and risk the hurt that might come everyday. We are all capable of this. Will you love big today, until it hurts? Plant this new seed thought, then grow where you are planted. He's winking at you.

 That's what I wanted to share with you this morning from my humble home in Orlando.

Dedicated to the legacy that MWC children are leaving in this world,

Carolyn Moor

Modern Widows Club

Here's the REST OF THE STORY- Enjoy.

Click here for the: Orlando Sentinel Article 

Roller Coasters and Valentine's Day

What do roller coasters and loosing your husband have to do with each other? Well, for starters its what I do every Valentines Day. WHY?

Because its the anniversary of Chad's death,  and on that day, I do things in his honor to remind me of the life he lived and shared with me...the life that still exists in this life of mine. I do things that honor that contagious laugh, that love for beer and roller coasters. I LIVE because I can. Roller coasters and being a kid for a day is how life was with him and I take one really special day for me to remember this.

Recently, Cindy Nelson, Seattle's MWC Chapter Leader told me of her plan for Valentine's Day- to gift widows and single moms at her church with gift certificates for oil changes. WHY? Because her husband was a mechanic and generously would give back in this way during his life. He was known for his generosity. So, to honor Mike, she continues this and it brings her happiness to be connected to such life. 

What is it your spouse did in this world that was wonderful and is remembered for? When we share and continue these life giving characteristics, they pleasantly bring us life in the process. 

At Modern Widows Club, giving back, connecting to the life around us is a big part of our message. It's what takes you from surviving to thriving. Something as small as taking flowers to another elderly widow in your neighborhood who you might not think you have anything in common, can strengthen a heart like nothing else....in both directions. Life is hard, really hard. When we do our part to make it easier for another, it eases our life in return. 

We would love for you to share what you do to honor your late husband, every effort counts and you never know who is reading this blog and how it will touch them. Share your big love with us and pick up another jewel for your invisible crown. 

From my heart,

Carolyn Moor

Founder/ Modern Widows Club

P.S. If you'd like to meet other women like you. Come to MWC: Social Hour on Feb. 16, 2012. EVERY 3rd Thursday. It's FREE. Sign in below. 

Seattle

Orlando

or our Workshops on Feb. 11 and 18 (Orlando)

or Weekly Small Group- Thursdays (Orlando) 

Want a MWC chapter in your town? Send inquiries to: carolyn@modernwidowsclub.com

Letters from the Heart

Early on in my life as a mother, I started innocently writing letters to my infant daughters. Sealing them in an envelope and placing them in their baby books.

I'm not sure what caused me to do this, except maybe in the few quiet moments I wanted to remember all the love I felt, all the love pouring and spilling out of me that I simply found a piece of paper and scribbled the first thought that came to mind.... sentiments from my heart.

It's funny how small actions can turn into the best ideas you've ever had and even better yet the most treasured possessions. To date, I now have approx. 25 sealed handwritten letters expressing my love to my daughters starting in circa: 1996 (I secretly wish I could open them).

Included in them is the first letter I wrote after their daddy passed away.

Mind you, I didn't realize when I started this that I'd be writing such a heart wrenching letter to them. I remember sitting down and starting several times, not wanting the words to be 'real'. Just to admit that he had died was too painful. There's something so wrong about having to write 'If daddy were here.....', I was left sobbing, pushing the paper away and walking out of the room. But, I kept coming back. They deserved to know how much he loved them, how much I loved them and this was one way to show them.

Today, my daughters do not know the letters exist (unless they read this blog). But I imagine someday the moment I hand them this treasured gift from my heart and I wonder what great love like this does for the self esteem of a child who has lost a parent.

All I can hope is, they will receive the love. That they will FEEL the life in them and know their own life is meant for something extraordinary because it was created from great love. I hope they give this love to others and I hope it becomes their legacy.

Think about what kind of legacy are you creating for your loved ones. As you know, its the only thing we get to leave behind that matters.

Sisterly Love,
Carolyn Moor
Founder/ Modern Widows Club

You were born for something great!

'I was born for something great, even when something not so great has happened. I've learned that last part has taken me to the 'great' I never knew existed.' (2006 Old Journal Entry, Backstage at the Oprah Show)

Today, marks the two week journey that I will share looking into my 'trail of tears', the 2 wks leading up to Feb. 14th, Chad's death anniversary. We all experience a shift in our inner selves when we know this is coming. On a cellular level, I know, I cannot resist this coming on or how it will manifest itself, but I've just learned a different way to handle the stress of feeling it.

First, I must resist the feeling of wanting to run away and instead run to those in life who are wanting to give me love in many different ways. I accept any and all love that comes my direction.

Every year, Chad, an architect, would handcraft me a unique, architectural stylized card. It was highly anticipated and I never knew when he would hand it to me....I just kept waiting for the masterpiece to be pulled out so I could see his artistry. Always using callilgraphy to create a touching one or two liner that always left me feeling like the luckiest girl on earth.

So after he died, his dear friend Denny, picked up his architectural markers and continued his tradition of giving me cards with this flavor. Here's what arrived in the mail yesterday. 

The moral of this story is, love continues to live on in bittersweet ways. It's Gods way of allowing us to see the BIG world of love available to us if we allow ourselves to see it. Today, I will and I say 'bring on the rainfall'. Sometimes we have to borrow the love of others, to 
find our own in this life.


With sisterly love, 
Carolyn Moor
Modern Widows Club


                                         ~Dedicated to Chad and all the love he shared with us.