Friday, February 17, 2012

What could have been.

As I sit here and write this post, I wonder where you are at this moment. I wonder how many months, or years it has been since you lost someone you love. In particularly this week, the death anniversary of my late husband, I find myself remembering all the things that 'could have been'. 

Father daughter dances. Graduation. Talks about boys. Walking down the aisle. Holding a grandchild for the first time. 

Many thoughts so painfully real that it leaves me unable to breathe. 

This Valentine's Day was my 12th year being a widow. I allow myself to fully feel the loss on this day- to remember what could have been. It hurts. Badly. There's so much I wanted but I will never have. 

After the tears, the photo box overload, the isolation, the writing letters and the intrepid trip down memory lane, I can bravely say I have come to a new place called 'what could be'. 

What could be is at the very essence of where Modern Widows Club was born. To me, I was a widow second and a woman first. I needed to get back to being a woman again. So, I decided to see if there were any other women like me, who thought like this. And you know what? I found them. You are probably one of them, maybe you know one. 

Let me share some of the 'what could be' thoughts I discovered at our MWC: Social Hour last night around the fire.

~It's ok to say 'I'm happy' and not feel guilty. It's ok to change your mind tomorrow. 
~MWC is a destination along your journey.
~Your sisters at MWC are fanning your inner flame that will become a glowing fire.
~We are unassuming heroines with blessed wounds that have shaped our character.
~When it feels like nothing is happening, something actually is happening, you just don't know it yet. 
~With dating again, the options are unlimited. Becoming at peace with the fact you may or may not have another partner in life just may save you from making a serious mistake. What is important to remember is you loved in this life and be thankful it happened to you.
~Plant a lot of seeds in your life. Some will grow fast, some won't.
~You are first, a woman, second, a widow. Become it. 
~At MWC, we show each other our authentic selves --even when we don't know who that is!
~Widows who focus on being a woman can be uplifting and inspiring to all women who fear widowhood in their future. We become the lighthouse of hope across all boundaries. 
~Sometimes bravely saying 'I'm grateful, but goodbye' to a situation that is not honoring to your life is the best solution. You're going to need a higher power and friends to reach out and make it through. 

The women of Modern Widows Club are wise, brave, relevant and vital to society. They are fragile and yet strong. They are different and it's a good thing. Men want to date them, but they don't even know it. Women look up to them, and they shy away from it. People whisper about widows, and now, we have something to whisper about! 

Become 'what could be'..... 
Breathe again. 
Hope again. 
Peace again. 
Happy again. 
Thrive again. 
Friend again. 
Grateful again.

Yes, we are different, we wear invisible crowns, thank goodness. 

Carolyn Moor
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A Modern Widow. Does she look like you thought?